Mocking The NBA Draft, Vol. 6.0



This is day that most amateur basketball players dream of their whole life. Except when the Clippers are picking No. 1 overall and you're the consensus best player in the draft. Still, Blake Griffin will go No. 1 and a mess will ensue afterward.

We've had some moves, shakes and whispers in anticipation of what will be a busy offseason of contract moving as teams are preparing to get rejected by LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and others in the summer of 2010.

1. Los Angeles Clippers - Blake Griffin, Oklahoma. Unless Ashton Kutcher shows up as the Clippers GM and tries to punk everyone by drafting B.J. Mullens, Griffin goes here.

2. Memphis Grizzlies - Hasheem Thabeet, UConn. One way to not be the worst rebounding team in the league is to draft someone who is 7-foot-3.

3. Oklahoma City Thunder - James Harden, Arizona State. The Thunder are easily becoming the most hyped 23-win team in NBA history. Drafting Harden will give OKC another legit scorer, but who's playing defense?

4. Sacramento Kings - Ricky Rubio, Spain. Sac-town's motto with Rubio should be easy. Draft now, trade later if necessary.

5. Minnesota Timberwolves - Tyreke Evans, Memphis. When your starting backcourt is Sebastian Telfair and Corey Brewer, you need more help than Lindsay Lohan after $1 nite. Evans is a good start

6. Minnesota Timberwolves - Stephen Curry, Davidson. After trading Randy Foye and Mike Miller (and presumably drafting Evans), the T'Wolves need a bucket filler. In college, Curry proved he could to it.

7. Golden State Warriors - DeMar DeRozan, USC. It wouldn't be the NBA Draft without a questionable draft decision by the Warriors, who add DeRozan to their squad of shoot-early, shoot-often SG/SF hybrids.

8. New York Knicks - Jonny Flynn, Syracuse. The Knickerbockers head upstate and grab their best point guard since ... Charlie Ward? Yikes!

9. Toronto Raptors - Jordan Hill, Arizona. Losing Chris Bosh to free agency is as much as a given as yours truly landing a three-way with Erin Andrews and Hannah Storm. With this pick, the Raptors will attempt to rebuild their frontcourt.

10. Milwaukee Bucks - Gerald Henderson, Duke. This is the kind of player Scott Skiles has wet dreams about. A productive three-year starter at a college hoops powerhouse that plays defense and puts out a max effort. Here's hoping Henderson likes Miller High Life, cheese and beerbrats.

11. New Jersey Nets - Terrance Williams, Louisville. It is almost unfortunate that Vince Carter won't play forever. Williams has the ability and athleticsm to be a good pro, especially if Devin Harris is playing alongside, running the point.

12. Charlotte Bobcats - Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina. Another draft tradition includes MJ and Larry Brown drafting someone with ACC ties. Makes me wonder if Coach K or Uncle Roy are running the Bobcats' draft board.

13. Indiana Pacers - Ty Lawson, North Carolina. The Pacers need a leader bad, seeing they haven't had one since Mark Jackson retired for the broadcast booth.

14. Phoneix Suns - Jrue Holiday, UCLA. The mass exodus from Phoenix begins with Shaq going to Cleveland and will likely end with Amare Stoudemire and Steve Nash finding new places of employment. Holiday has skill and will be given every opportunity to excel with a team of nobodys.

15. Detroit Pistons - B.J. Mullens, Ohio State. Mullens has no business being a top 15 pick, but this is the same front office that drafted Darko Milicic ahead of Carmelo, Wade and Bosh. So, Mullens makes sense.

16. Chicago Bulls - DeJuan Blair, Pittsburgh. The following conversation was copied, pasted and sent to me: MadPax93: Ooooh DeJuan, you so sexii!!!11!!! BigBlair: Yeah I am, trick!

17. Philadelphia 76ers - Eric Maynor, Virgina Commonwealth. Because they won't keep Andre Miller, will they?

18. Minnesota Timberwolves - Chase Budinger, Arizona. A younger, cheaper, more athletic version of Mike Miller. Did you know he once played volleyball? Oh, you didn't? Get prepared to hear it a dozen times tonight.

19. Atlanta Hawks - Jeff Teague, Wake Forest. He's not the true point player they want or need, but combo guards are all the rage these days in the NBA.

20. Utah Jazz - Earl Clark, Louisville. It's possible that Jerry Sloan's gang lose both Carlos Boozer and Paul Millsap this offseason. Clark can play both forward positions and Sloan is just the coach that could get the most out of his talent.

21. New Orleans Hornets - Brandon Jennings, Italy/USA. Once a near lock for the lottery, Jennings has slipped, but could be a valuable asset down the line as a back-up for CP3.

22. Portland Trail Blazers - Omri Casspi, Israel. Drafting a foreign player that won't be stateside in a few years buys Portland some time to find money to keep Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge.

23. Sacramento Kings - James Johnson, Wake Forest. He can play both forward spots and give the Kings a relatively young frontline full of potential.

24. Dallas Mavericks - Darren Collison, UCLA. Like Jon and Kate's marriage, the Jason Kidd Era is over. Collison won't make anyone forget about what could have been with Devin Harris, but he'll try his best.

25. Oklahoma City Thunder - DaJuan Summers, Georgetown. With a team full of chuckers like Westbrook, Durant and Harden, OKC is going to need someone to hunt down rebounds.

26. Chicago Bulls - Wayne Ellington, North Carolina. Two reasons: 1) His sweet shot can replace some of the scoring lost when Ben Gordon finally leaves. 2) Chicago has a good history with shooting guards that happen to be former Tar Heels.

27. Memphis Grizzlies - Taj Gibson, USC. The Grizzlies rebuilding project contiues as it grabs another guy familiar with the concept of rebounding the basketball

28. Minnesota Timberwolves - Austin Daye, Gonzaga. He's a project pick right here that could pan out down the line. Or could disappear into relative obscurity.

29. Los Angeles Lakers - Victor Claver, Int'l. L.A. could stash this pick away for a rainy day in an attempt to keep as much money free as possible to re-sign Lamar Odom and Trevor Ariza.

30. Cleveland Cavaliers - Patrick Mills, Saint Mary's. LeBron is great and adding Shaq will help, but the Cavs don't have a pure point guard and I don't they can win without one. Mills can sit and watch Mo Williams and Delonte West throw up shots and when they hit a cold streak, can show them how to handle the rock like a pure point should.

1 comments:

Evan said...

This is like David Sterns Bucket list hahaha