Mocking The NBA Draft, Vol. 5.0

NCAA 2009 - Wake Forest Beat Tar Heels 92-89
In this edition of 'Mocking' the Bulls will select Jeff Teague to fill the void of undersized scoring guard vacated by Ben Gordon's looming exit.

Please take time out of your busy schedule to check out the first of a gazillion NBA Mock Draft blogs you will see this week. We won't write that many, but it might seem like it. ESPN's Chad Ford said he thinks Mock Drafts like this are "like a joke." Kind of like the A+ grade he gave the Pistons after the 2003 draft that landed Darko Milicic and not Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh or Carmelo Anthony. Oh wait, that wasn't meant to be funny. This is.

1. Los Angeles Clippers - Blake Griffin, Oklahoma. Right now, Blake Griffin says he can't wait to be a Clipper, but how long until he's saying he can't wait to be an ex-Clipper?

2. Memphis Grizzlies - Hasheem Thabeet, UConn. The Grizzlies need a defensive presence like the city of Memphis needs a secure parking lot. Just saying.

3. Oklahoma City Thunder - James Harden, Arizona State. My one concern with Harden is that he seemed to disappear come NCAA Tourney time. Not a big deal, OKC isn't making a playoff push any time soon.

4. Sacramento Kings - Ricky Rubio, Spain. After using YouTube videos to scout this pick, I've come to the conclusion that Ricky Rubio is Spanish for Jason Williams.

5. Washington Wizards - Tyreke Evans, Memphis. If the Jamison-to-Cleveland rumors are true, the Wiz are going to need someone to fill the basket when Agent Zero returns to street clothes. Built like a small forward, Evans can play both guard positions. But with Arenas and Evans in one backcourt, one must wonder if there are enough open shots to go around.

6. Minnesota Timberwolves - Brandon Jennings, Italy via USA. Drafting Jennings gives the Timberpups a chance to give (probable) head coach Mark Jackson time to rebuild Kevin McHale's mess.

7. Golden State Warriors - Jordan Hill, Arizona. The Warriors are stocked with overpaid guards that underproduced last season. That's why I'm going with a big man with skill and potential that will eventually rot at the end of the bench, ignored by Don Nelson.

8. New York Knicks - Stephen Curry, Davidson. At least pro games at the Garden will be fun again.

9. Toronto Raptors - Gerald Henderson, Duke. His aggressive play and sharp elbows will make hockey fans forget their even watching a basketball game. Well, other than the fact that there are several people of color on a court instead of watching a bunch of Canadians on skate on frozen water.

10. Milwaukee Bucks - Jonny Flynn, Syracuse. This team needs a point guard as much as I need a date on a Saturday night. At least I have an alternative to dating (drinking). The Bucks' alternative at the point makes their fans want to drink. Then, throw up.

11. New Jersey Nets - DeMar DeRozan, USC. Vince Carter is getting old and at this stage of the game, he only seemingly shows up whenever the opponents jersey reads 'Toronto' on the front. DeRozan is an athlete that could shine next to star point guard Devin Harris.

12. Charlotte Bobcats - B.J. Mullens, Ohio State. Drafting Mullens allows Emeka Okafor to slide back into his natural PF position. But that plan will be scrapped as Mullens will play in less NBA games than he did at Ohio State.

13. Indiana Pacers - Ty Lawson, North Carolina. If any team needs a former floor general as its sideline general, it is the Pacers. Prediction: Lawson will fill the floor general role better than Jim O'Brien has filled the role of sideline general.

14. Phoneix Suns - Jrue Holiday, UCLA. It's sad to think of it, but there will be a day that Steve Nash will no longer don the Phoenix Suns uniform. That day will come soon. Besides, how often do you get to draft guys named Jrue?

15. Detroit Pistons - DeJuan Blair, Pittsburgh. Blair looks like the kind of guy you don't want to meet in a dark alley. Yep, he'll fit right in with the rest of Detroit.

16. Chicago Bulls - Jeff Teague, Wake Forest. With the Bulls likely losing guard Ben Gordon to free agency, Chicago will need to fill the void of tweener scoring guard. Welcome to Chicago, Mr. Teague.

17. Philadelphia 76ers - Eric Maynor, Virgina Commonwealth. The Sixers have a lot of guys who can score the rock, but no one to get it to those guys. This is why Maynor makes sense.

18. Minnesota Timberwolves - Austin Daye, Gonzaga. Because there aren't enough goofy white guys in the world to make Kevin McHale happy. He still is running the team, right?

19. Atlanta Hawks - Earl Clark, Louisville. Remember when I said the Hawks were allergic to drafting point guards? I have a feeling Atlanta has a thing for athletic tweener forwards.

20. Utah Jazz - Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina. Had Psycho T come out as a freshman or sophomore, he would have been a lottery pick. This is why staying four years at school is damaging. The good news is that Hansbrough can take his scrappy, gritty, hard-working self to the czar of scrappy, gritty, hard-working guys, Jerry Sloan.

21. New Orleans Hornets - Patrick Mills, Saint Mary's. After watching Lil' Wayne in the "Championship Pop Bottles" video, I wanted to slide him into this spot (pause) but instead I'm going with a back-up option for CP3.

22. Dallas Mavericks - Darren Collison, UCLA. Collison is the most underrated point guard in this draft. He has excellent ball-handling skills and has proven he can handle difficult situations. Last year, he would have been a Top 15 pick. Now, he drops to a talented team in need of a leader.

23. Sacramento Kings - Omri Casspi, Israel. The Kings are trying to build an international all-star team.

24. Portland Trail Blazers - James Johnson, Wake Forest. Because anyone is better than Sam Bowie, right?

25. Oklahoma City Thunder - DaJuan Summers, Georgetown. If someone is shooting, one assumes someone else has to be hunting down rebounds, right?

26. Chicago Bulls - Nick Calathes, Florida. The Bulls could benefit from drafting a player that won't even play in the NBA next season. Chicago wouldn't have to pay him next season (and that helps the cap situation) and can allow his time in Greece to serve as a developmental year. Genius! I hope Gar Forman reads this blog!

27. Memphis Grizzlies - Jeff Pendergraph, Arizona State. Another inside force for a team that couldn't get a rebound even if Lindsay Lohan was calling its name.

28. Minnesota Timberwolves - Chase Budinger, Arizona. Did I mention Kevin McHale loves white guys that can ball? This is his attempt to build the 1980s Celtics teams in the 2000s.

29. Los Angeles Lakers - Toney Douglas, Florida State. For being undersized (6-2), Douglas can defend and score with bigger guards. He's a Phil Jackson type of guard, you know, if Phil decides to stick it out one more year.

30. Cleveland Cavaliers - Wayne Ellington, North Carolina. Why, yes, this edition of Mocking the NBA Draft ends with Wayne Ellington not wearing a Bulls cap. That saddens me just a little bit inside.