Alfonso Soriano Doesn't Suck As Much As You Think He Does

Judging by my Facebook, e-mail and text message inbox, Alfonso Soriano is the suckiest suck to ever suck. Soriano developed Swine Flu in his evil lair to spread it to the world. He also is the reason gas prices continue to rise throughout the United States. In addition to that, it is Soriano's fault why you can't make it with that girl you've had your eye on for a long time.

Yeah, he's a dick like that.

I'm assuming Soriano's 0-for-4 day at the plate, not to mention being pulled in a double-switch for the (allegedly) defensively inept Jake Fox, was at the core of the inbox implosion.

Other than the things mentioned earlier, here are a few issues that rattled through my mailboxes and were good enough to make it onto this blog.

1. "Alfonso Soriano can't play defense."

• Yes, Bob Brenly once said he could throw a dart in the Cubs dugout and find a better defensive outfielder, but I am assuming the "Soriano's defense sucks" messages came about when he wasn't able to throw out a runner on a sac fly. Now, unless Roberto Clemente rises from the dead, no one is throwing out every base runner. In fact, Soriano has been among the best defenders when it comes to throwing out runners. And upon further inspection, Soriano has finished first in nailing base runners for the last three years. Of course, this all makes sense if you happen to use statistics to judge someone's play rather than your unfounded hatred for Soriano or the Cubs.
  

2. "Alfonso Soriano can't lead off."

• Ever since The Miz called him out, Soriano has fallen on hard times. And I know for the first month of the season, there wasn't a complaint about his offensive prowess. In April he hit .284 with a .364 on-base percentage, a .591 slugging percentage and a .955 OPS to go along with 7 homers and 14 ribbies. The last month-and-a-half has turned Soriano from a star into a scrub. It's tough fighting this fight because people are so narrow-minded with their analysis of a lead-off man. Listen, not every point guard is molded like Steve Nash, nor is every quarterback is in the mold of Tom Brady (because if they were, none of us would be getting laid, ever) and not every lead-off man is going to be a scrappy, grindy underachiever. And while Scott Podsednik's career-OBP batting as a No. 1 hitter is .341, Soriano isn't too far behind with a .339 OBP. Yet, Pods is the greatest of all time, despite having an OPS that is 127 percentage points lower than Soriano's.

3. Soriano pulls better looking girls than I do.

• Can't argue that. Two words: Road Beef.

So whether you're blaming Soriano's defense, offense or ability to get laid while you're hanging on the sidelines on the Cubs' woes, remember that you win as a team and lose as a team. Sure, Soriano is overpaid, but he didn't put a gun to Jim Hendry's head and say pay me $160 million over an 8-year period. Nor did he refuse to re-sign Kerry Wood or agree to trade your beloved Mark DeRosa.

But if you ask Cubs fans, he might as well have done all of that. He is public enemy No. 1, despite being arguably the best asset the Cubs have.