In Vol. 1 of Mocking The NBA Draft, I previewed what the teams that were simply not good enough to make the playoffs. Hence, their appearance in the draft lottery selection show. But what about the teams that will be looking to tweak its collective rosters.
15. Detroit Pistons - Gerald Henderson, Duke. Rebuilding projects are all the rage in Detroit these days, so add the Pistons backcourt to the list. But unlike the fledgling auto industry, reloading a talented backcourt shouldn't be hard. And that should start with the explosiveness Henderson could provide.
16. Chicago Bulls - DeJuan Blair, Pittsburgh. If only so I can write a blog similar to this Deadspin Deleted Scene:
"he goes up to da hottest chick on the floor she was like a mily cyrus clone an he be like heyyy shawwwtyyy u lookin dammnnn fine momma an i was like shiit son dat takes some nerve but hes blair and he the tank he gets wat he wants and he be bangin and blangin wid that girl an she was prob like oooh dejuan you so sexii and he was like yeah i am trick...."
17. Philadelphia 76ers - Jrue Holliday, UCLA. The Sixers have more athleticism than you can shake a stick at. Enter Holliday, who is a project of a point guard but should fit in with the ultra-athletic Sixers if he can learn to properly execute alley-oops to Andre Iguodala or Thaddeus Young.
18. Minnesota Timberwolves - Patrick Mills, Saint Mary's. The last time the Timberpups had a legit point guard, he kind of looked like an alien. The point guard before that acts like one now. Mills might be the safest pick in the draft outside of Blake Griffin. Which now means he will bust quicker than a stand-in on set of the "Jizz In My Pants" video.
19. Atlanta Hawks - Jeff Teague, Wake Forest. The Hawks are as desperate for a point guard as I am for a date on Friday night. Oops, my back space button doesn't work. The Hawks have passed on Chris Paul, Rajon Rondo and Rodney Stuckey. Yet, all I think about is how Teague should have been a Saluki.
20. Utah Jazz - Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina. Scrappy. Tough. Hard working. White. Yep, sounds like a Jerry Sloan pick right here.
21. New Orleans Hornets - Toney Doughlas, Florida State. Saw this online ad in N'Orleans: "Seeking backcourt mate fond of scoring and sharing." Sounds like CP3 is asking for some help.
22. Dallas Mavericks - Darren Collison, UCLA. With the Jason Kidd Era coming to an end sooner rather than later, the Mavs are going to need a heady point guard to lead their offense. Question is: Does Collison have a Twitter account?
23. Sacramento Kings - Gani Lawal, Georgia Tech. I had no idea who this guy was, but a couple of friends say he's got potential. I won't even bother to Google him because he ain't going to my team.
24. Portland Trail Blazers - Chase Buddinger, Arizona. He's got golden, curly blonde hair and a background that includes a penchant for playing volleyball. Buddinger isn't in the mold of your everyday Jail Blazer ... and that's why he fits.
25. Oklahoma City Thunder - B.J. Mullens, Ohio State. Rapper Cam'ron seems to be more fond of the Buckeye State than the former Buckeye that will be drafted in this spot. Too bad Mullens will spend more time in the D-League than the pros in 2009-10.
26. Chicago Bulls - Terrance Williams, Louisville. Williams has all the talent, athleticism and skills in the world ... but all that and $1.50 can get you Sunday's paper. The Bulls should prepare themselves for a world without Ben Gordon. At least Williams won't pout when he's coming off the bench next year.
27. Memphis Grizzlies - Taj Gibson, Southern California. Gibson and former Trojan teammate O.J. Mayo will be reunited as the Grizzlies still search for someone that can rebound missed baskets, a key element in what is called "defense" in basketball. Tim Floyd will pay for that ticket.
28. Minnesota Timberwolves - DaJuan Summers, Georgetown. If you give the Timberwolves enough draft picks, they will either pick someone who is worth a damn ... or trade it to the Lakers. Let's see what Kevin McHale has up his sleeve this time around.
29. Los Angeles Lakers - Dante Cunningham, Villanova. The Lakers could lose Trevor Ariza and Lamar Odom, turning their second biggest strength (frontcourt presence) into a weakness. Doesn't matter who they pick here as long as Kobe Bryant still takes the court 82 times a season.
30. Cleveland Cavaliers - Dionte Christmas, Temple. Because once LeBron leaves Cleveland for New York, Cavs fans are going to be begging for Christmas presents year round.