That's how it should be done.
Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen's minor blowup Tuesday night after an extra innings loss to the Kansas City Royals doesn't even register on his scale of eruptions but the team may need a category nine explosion to liven them up.
This is starting to look like 2007 all over again.
Guillen, the cover boy of the new Sporting News Magazine, is the only one who can fix the issue right now because general manager Ken Williams doesn't appear to have any moves imminently planned outside of some internal roster juggling.
Perhaps an outburst rights the ship? It seems like about that time, especially if this short series with the Detroit Tigers goes awry.
Speaking of roster juggling here are a few things I'd do if I were K-Will.
Send Brent Lillibridge down immediately. He doesn't buy into the program, that's been pretty clear thus far.
He hits way to many fly balls despite the fact that he is a speedster with zero power. Send him down and get that straightened out. I'm confident Jayson Nix can be the utility man that Lillibridge can't be.
So who do you call up in place of him? Elder Torres.
Yeah I said Torres, big whoop right? He's hitting .299 with four steals and can play all infield spots.
If he doesn't pan out Brian Anderson will be back in a week or so anyway. So just wait that out.
Next to go? Lance Broadway your table in Charlotte is ready again.
I've seen enough of him over the years. He still doesn't have an outpitch and while he's not the key to the season I'm ready to watch someone else.
Let's go with a live arm like Jon Link, the Knights temporary closer. He has 3.08 ERA and pitched well last year in Double-A Birmingham.
If Jose Contreras gets fire-bombed again Thursday it's time to cut the cord. I appreciate his efforts to come back from injury, I really do.
But now it's time to get him upstairs and get him out of here if he can't be average.
We can give Clayton Richard a spot start and if he fails to impress call up either Carlos Torres or Aaron Poreda. Ideally, I'd give Torres the first crack because he's at Triple-A.
It's one thing one Bartolo Colon pitches like a fifth-starter (good start, bad start, repeat) but when Jose Contreras pitches like a minor leaguer, it's time to make a change.
Speaking of the rotation, I'm not sure what's going on with Gavin Floyd and John Danks.
Floyd has looked like the old-version from Philly and really has only had one good start. Danks on the other hand is coming off back-to-back clunkers but I'm not worried about either untill I see another start.
Optimists say the offense was just as terrible this time of year as it was in 2008 and that is true but at least The Carlos was carrying the load. The pitching staff was actually looking good early with Floyd flirting with several no-hitters in the early going.
So there's the logical plan.
The insane plan calls for drastic measures that I'm quite certain won't happen.
No. 1 - sign Barry Lemar Bonds as a backup plan for Jim Thome if he continues to get hurt or plays like crap. Bonds will reportedly play for the league minimum and I'm not here to talk about the past. Besides it won't be awesome to watch him and Ozzie butt heads. Or perhaps he becomes a humbled superstar and will create a platoon with all the old folks on this team?
No. 2 - sign Pedro Martinez and implement him into a three-headed monster of stars from yester-year. Martinez is my all-time favorite player so I'm biased but he has to have at least something worthwhile left in the tank. Hell you could platoon him with Contreras as the fifth starter.
No. 3 - Forget the other two moves and go young. Trade Jermaine Dye to the Reds for Homer Bailey and move TCQ to right field (his natural position), put Alexei Ramirez in center field and call up Gordon Beckham to plays shorstop. You can keep Scott Podsednik and Brian Anderson as platoon mates in left field. Send down someone out of the pen and call up Aaron Poreda and throw him into the fire as the fifth starter.