Hey Ryan, Stat Boy Needs To Check Out Your 'Riot' Stick

Ryan Theriot has more home runs than David Ortiz, Matt Holliday, Chipper Jones and David Wright.

That stat alone is worth Bud Selig demanding a urine sample from the diminutive Chicago Cubs shortstop ... especially after a two-homer game Wednesday against the San Diego Padres.

And even though it is May 14th and Theriot will certainly be passed by all of those players before the season is over, it is never too soon for Stat Boy to take a closer look at what the Cubbie blue spark plug is up to.

Theriot hit four homers for the National League Central champions in 1,258 plate appearances from 2007 to 2008. Now, one-fourth of the Middle-Infield Midget Society (along with Mike Fontenot, Ryan Freel and Aaron Miles) has five homers in about 130 plate appearances.

The Cajun Shortstop Sensation is on pace for a 20 home run season. If Theriot followed the pace he had set the last two years, it would have taken 6,290 plate appearances for him to hit the 20-homer plateau.

Yep, sounds like the stuff that laboratory-created ballplayers is made of. I hope Theriot has Peter Gammons on speed dial when the day of reckoning comes. Or a good alibi at the least.