For the first time in my lifetime, the Chicago Cubs have an owner that is not a nameless, faceless organization that also happens to be running a newspaper.
Welcome Tom Ricketts, to an organization that hasn't won a World Series in 100 years and is trying real hard to make it 101.
Tribune scribe Paul Sullivan has 10 suggestions for the new guy, and here are my five.
- Don't listen to the weirdos. If someone begs you to not change the name of Wrigley Field, tell 'em to Plax themselves. Or if you want to be a nice guy, ask them if they would still care about the stadium's name if it meant the Cubs won a championship in 2010. If they say yes, then you can ignore them. They don't care about winning.
- Bring in a real GM. Call up Oakland and write Billy Beane a blank check and tell him that he can actually work with a big boy budget. If he doesn't call back, maybe you can get in contact with Paul DePodesta in San Diego. And if you're really interested in a GM that loves to blog, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can talk business.
- Lower beer prices. I'm jumping on Paul's bandwagon. Hopefully one day, I'll be in the press box (which should be expanded somehow if possible) and I won't need to buy beer at Wrigley. Until then, beer prices matter to me.
- Lower ticket prices. It shouldn't cost me Mark Prior's bum arm, Alfonso Soriano's shoddy legs and Kyle Farnsworth's illegitimate baby to see the Cubs get smoked by an inferior team.
- Fire Carrie Muskat. There is a young, hungry sports writer who's one goal in life is to be the Chicago Cubs beat writer. Hire me. Now.
Other suggestions include anything on this list (then applying it to Aaron Miles too), saying goodbye to Jim Hendry, bleacher-babe cheerleaders, and bringing in Greg Maddux as pitching coach and Mark Grace as
Alright, kiddies. Go celebrate a new day in Cubs lore!