An Opening Day Rant

Chicago White Sox v Chicago Cubs
Greetings, and Happy Opening Day!

Seriously, baseball's Opening Day (yes, I capitalize) should be a national holiday. Schools and banks should be closed, the post office too. In fact, only the following businesses should be open: ballparks, bars, sports apparel stores, hot dog stands and souvenir shops. You would think the sports fan in President Obama would inspire him to add Opening Day to the list of national holidays.

Maybe he'll get to it after he mandates a college football playoff system.

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The Chicago Cubs have won the National League Central Division title the last two seasons. But they're also the only team in baseball history to win its division back-to-back years and not register a playoff win in those two appearances. Embarrassing? Yes. So the Cubs got all shook up this offseason in search of the right kind of chemistry to erase the past two years of failure (and while they're at it, the previous 101 years of suck).

But will the additions of Brian Roberts, Adam Dunn and Jake Peavy bring the Cubs the glory they search for? Oh wait ... the Cubs never got them. I guess it's up to Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles and Kevin Gregg.

*Gulp*

Uh oh.

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No one is giving the Chicago White Sox a chance ... and I'm not sure why. Did you know they were the only Chicago baseball team to win a playoff game last year?

OK, they don't have a good lead off hitter or a real center fielder this year. But the thing is, they had neither last year. And no, I don't consider Nick Swisher or a declining Ken Griffey, Jr. as real center fielders.

I'm not the ChiSox's expert on this blog, but I do no a few things. As crazy as he is, Ozzie Guillen is a good manager in a master motivator kind of way. He might be doing goofy sh*t in the dugout and going batsh*t crazy against certain media members ... but somehow, someway he inspires his team to outperform its expectations.

That right there is good for 82 wins ... which might win an injury prone AL Central.

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The St. Louis Cardinals beat will be taken care of by a pair of Cardinals fans on this site, so Redbird nation, you will be taken care of this season. Like the White Sox, the Cards are basically the same team as last year and should not be counted out because Dave Duncan is still Tony LaRussa's right-hand man.

Duncan, St. Louis' pitching coach, is kind of like that uncertified mechanic you go to because you can't afford to go to a real mechanic. He works miracles by putting random parts together and somehow your car is running better than ever.

Chris Carpenter is back and Adam Wainwright is healthy, and that's the good news for the Redbirds' rotation. On the other hand, if Jason Motte flops as the team's closer, the Best Fans In Baseball *gag* will be pining for the return of Jason Isringhausen.

Oh yeah, that Albert Pujols fella is OK, too.

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Happy Opening Day, everybody. Enjoy responsibly!

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