Bengals adding firepower in the offseason

Stay classy, Cincinnati. Hide the women and children and tell the Bengals' ownership to prepare to make Cincy's football team's pads out of kevlar.

The Bengals have signed ex-Bear/Cowboy/convict Tank Johnson.

Johnson brings a force in the middle of the defensive line, as well as a rap sheet longer than the flippin' Iliad.

Sources close to The Big Dead Sidebar say Cincy is looking to add free agent receiver Plaxico Burress to the team's offensive arsenal.

But seriously, they weren't joking when they said they were adding firepower.