Who's Burning Detroit? WBD4.0

Raging house fire


[Editor's Note: Last year, Scott Mieszala served as my Assistant Sports Editor before I went all Dusty Baker on him and burned him out midway through the semester.  Still, Scott presented his highly regarded weekly columns.  The fact that he is without a job while scabs such as Rick Morrissey and Chris DeLuca are still employed is a sad.  Someone, hire him.  With that said, here he is with a new rendition of his award-winning column, "Who's Burning Detroit?"]

So, who will it be this week?  Find out after the jump.


Last night FX debuted a show about fantasy football called “The League,” which predictably sucked and included a defense attorney giving his first overall pick in the draft to the prosecutor in exchange for knocking 5 years off his client’s sentence. Sadly, I don’t foresee an episode this season where both lawyers are disbarred and their lives fall apart around them. After what I saw of the first episode, I would really enjoy seeing that.  


I do have one suggestion for the show: Instead of having one guy’s wife secretly running his team, everyone accusing her of this and she and her husband denying it, why not have the wife have her own team in the league? Her team could consistently do better than her husband’s, and I think that constant emasculation would be funnier than what they went with. Also, to save face, I did not watch “The League” while the Bulls were playing or the World Series game was on. I caught the encore at 10:35 and it ended just in time for me to make a sandwich and watch the second half of the Nuggets-Blazers game.  


Anyway, the episode featured an inappropriate birthday song sung by Jon Lajoie, whose music videos like “Everyday Normal Guy,” “I Kill People” and “Show Me Your Genitals” made him Internet famous. (I don’t know if it’s safe to assume you’ve heard of him. On one hand, “Everyday Normal Guy” has about 12 million views on YouTube. On the other hand, I found out about him just last week.) The song he sang in the episode just OK, but hey, he’s singing about parents 69’ing and having sex in front of little kids, so that’s funny, right? Well, it was the bright spot of the episode, much like how during the last St. Louis Rams game I caught on TV, the announcer said the Rams’ punter was a bright spot for their season so far.  


Which brings us to this week’s WBD putting the spotlight on what I’m already proclaiming “The Worst Game of the 2009 NFL Season”: the 1-5 Detroit Lions vs. the 0-7 St. Louis Rams! (It’s just too bad Kyle Boller likely won’t be involved, or we could call it the worst game ever.) Sure, the Patriots’  59-0 embarrassment of the Titans was terrible, but at least that game had one team successfully executing on offense. You might see a nice catch here or there by Calvin Johnson if he plays, but that’s all you’re going to get. Never have I been so happy to be out of the St. Louis market, because guess what, those of you still there! If you don’t go to a bar at noon or have NFL Sunday Ticket, this is the only game you get to see!  


So if you’ll be stuck watching this terrible game, why not make it interesting and get your fantasy team involved with WBD? Because this week I’m not even going to suggest you pick up who I’m about to reveal. Sure, he’ll do better than someone like Muhsin Muhammad, but to pick this guy up is insane. He is owned in 1 percent of Yahoo! leagues and 0.8 percent of ESPN.com leagues. This guy is third on his team in receptions, but somehow has just seven more than Laurent Robinson, who played just two games and a little more than a quarter of a third this season. (Who? Exactly my point.) And in basically five more games, my WBD receiver has only 32 more receiving yards. How can I possibly suggest this person to you? I would have to be insane.  


But then again, let’s take a look at the free agent wideouts in my fantasy league, which is a 12-teamer. Only seven of these guys have 20 or more catches, and this guy is one of them. So that’s why I would actually suggest, if you have a need at wide receiver, to pick up the Rams’ Keenan Burton. I’d rather take a chance on him than Muhammad, Davone Bess or Mohamed Massaquoi, who will just disappoint you anyway. Burton has consistently been getting five or more passes thrown his way each week, and facing Detroit, these are more likely to turn into receptions and maybe a touchdown. While my suggestion was wrong last time with Jermichael Finley and Jordy Nelson, I think I have it right this time. At the very least, playing Burton could give you some investment in “The Worst Game of the 2009 NFL Season.”

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