I know I was supposed to be on vacation, but...
The Cardinals crashed and burned in a way that I always thought was reserved for my beloved Cubs. They forgot how to hit. They forgot how to field. And Joel Pineiro returned to earth as he allowed four earned runs in four innings of work. This from a guy who won 15 games, struck out 105 batters and posted a 3.89-to-1 strikeout-to-walk ratio and a 1.145 WHIP in a contract year.
Chicago Tribune baseball scribe Paul Sullivan (via his Twitter account) asks if Cubs fans are getting too much joy out of the Cardinals' postseason troubles.
In a word, no. In two words, hell no.
It's almost as if the baseball Gods are righting the wrongs in baseball. Everything Cardinals fans gave to Cubs fans last year is returning to Redbird nation. My mother calls it karma. I call it comedy. Remember when the Cardinals and their patch-work 2006 team won the World Series? How can that team be so much better than a team that won more than 90 games this season.
And to think, Matt Holiday hit .253/.419/.604/.1.023 with 13 home runs and 55 runs batted in during his 63 game stay in St. Louis. But unless he helps rally the troops from an 0-2 hole, he will always be remembered as a glorified Hans Moleman.
The literal crotch shot Holliday took was like the figurative one I (as well as the rest of Cubdom) took last October. Whether it was James Loney's Game 1 homer which still haunts me today. Or Mark DeRosa's stone hands in Game 2. Or the overall collapse in Game 3. That entire series was like taking a steel-toed boot to the groin over and over again.
As for the Cards, watching the collapse via social networking couldn't have been more entertaining.
One status read: "I'm glad we traded the top player in our organization to get a guy who helps get us to the playoffs, then chokes it all up in the post season and will probably leave after it's all over. F*** YOU MATT HOLLIDAY!!!!! (AND YOU TOO RYAN FRANKLIN)"
Another: "This must. be how Cubs fans feel all the time."
And another: Dear Cardinals: I am very disappointed with you. -Me
It was like I had gone to bizarro world where hot snow falls up. (Yes, two Simpson's references FTW!)
Via Twitter, Desipio said: So is this what it's like when other people watch the Cubs? Muahahaha! Another status referenced players "Alfonso Holliday" and "Ryan Gregg." Several others expressed their love for the west coast.
Heck, even Cardinals starter Adam Wainwright channeled his inner goat-blaming child, blaming the Dodgers' white towels for Holliday misplaying the ball.
The Curse of the White Towel? Ha. Welcome to Cubdom, Mr. Wainwright, we'll have a table for you shortly.
What a difference a year makes. Last year, I might as well have been literally beaten over the head, for figuratively, I was. Via e-mail, text message, Twitter, Facebook ... I was reamed and cornholed 'till the wee hours of the next morning.
It was the kind of pain that could only be cured by heavy drinking and loose women. Thank God I was in a college town.
Eventually, I recovered to become a normal member of society. Whatever that's supposed to be. And now, Cardinals fans are getting back what they gave almost a year ago. But this time, actually getting hit in the baby-making factory.
And in the end, one text message kind of ties it all together for yours truly.
"I would like to send my sincerest apologies for the shit I gave you last postseason."
All is forgiven, my good friend.