A Sneak Peak At The Boss' Birthday Wish List

NBA writer Jeff basically hit it right on the head with a good chunk of his blog about what he would get Luis for his birthday. Makes me wonder if Phil Rogers and Kevin Gregg would cuddle under a tree and which one would be the big spoon.

Luckily though, I was able to get into The Boss' e-mail wish list. There were some things that I won't mention here, this is supposed to be the kind of blog an entire family could read after eating dinner. They sure as hell aren't reading newspapers, that's for sure.

So, without further ado. Luis' birthday wishlist.

1. A bakers dozen Erin Andrews clones. It's not what you think. Well, maybe. See, Luis has an odd obsession with the Sideline Princess, climaxing with her first, last and what will likely be only appearance at Southern Illinois. But what would The Man do with a dozen EA clones? He'd turn them into the Chicago Bears cheerleaders, the Honey Bears. Someone has got cheer on Jay Cutler, right? As for the 13th, he'd keep for himself, enslaved in a cage wearing a cheerleader uniform, no doubt.

2. All charges against Plaxico Burress to be dropped. Catch is a fun game, according to Cutler. And according to Bears fans, Cutler's teammates couldn't catch a cold with stick 'em on their hands. That's why Luis wished for the NYPD to drop their case and for Roger Goodell to turn a blind eye to the entire situation. Kind of like how the LAPD treated the Tupac murder case.

3. A genie in an Old Style bottle. And with his three wishes? Orlando Hudson instead of Aaron Miles. Bobby Abreu instead of Milton Bradley. K-Rod instead of Kevin Gregg. (Hey, they're called wishes for a reason.)

4. The Blackhawks get an established goal scorer. Apparently, John McDonough also got the leaked copy of Luis' birthday wish list.

5. UNC head coach Roy Williams' Carolina blue sports coat. Luis already has that blinding white coat (it would explain why SIU is 0-2 when he wears it) Maybe, finally, he'll shut up about Wayne Ellington and that whole North Carolina mess.

Greetings From The New Guy

The Big Dead Sidebar needed something new. Something fresh.

And even though Luis does a great job (when he isn't jerking off after every Wayne Ellington jump shot or trying to bring down the Cubs from the top), there are things he cannot do. One of which, I will do.

Now that he has gone mainstream, he can't be the savvy media critic he wants to be. I can, though.

And while the guys over at FireJoeMorgan have their real jobs back, it doesn't mean bad sports media gets a free pass.

I won't be around as often as guys like Luis or M.J. Hartwig, you'll know when I'm here and making a presence.

So long, suckas.