Where Should TBDS Go?

It's been a long time since The Big Dead Sidebar has taken a trip to the ballpark.  OK, not that long.  Still, it would be nice to get back on the open road and take in a ball game.  Especially if it is within driving distance and is to a place TBDS' staff has yet been to.

Trips to see NBA and NHL games are forthcoming in the future, but right now, a trip to a NFL destination is on the front-burner.  Being in southern Illinois, the options are limited for NFL games.  But after a lunch break full of research, I've targeted the following games in the following cities.

ST. LOUIS

• Colts @ Rams (Oct. 25, noon)
• Saints @ Rams (Nov. 15, noon)
• Cardinals @ Rams (Nov. 22, 3:05 p.m.) 
  

INDIANAPOLIS

• Texans @ Colts (Nov. 8, 1 p.m. ET)
• Patriots @ Colts (Nov. 15, 8:20 p.m. ET)

TENNESSEE (Nashville, Tenn.)

• Cardinals @ Titans (Nov. 29, 1 p.m. ET)
• Dolphins @ Titans (Dec. 20, 1 p.m. ET) 
  

CINCINNATI

• Bears @ Bengals (Oct. 25, 3:15 p.m. ET)
  

KANSAS CITY

• Chargers @ Chiefs (Oct. 25, noon) 
  

I know you're asking why I chose these games?  Most of which are within a decent driving distance.  Also there are some interesting storylines to follow.

The Rams suck, but they will play host to some high-powered offenses as the Colts, Saints and Cardinals come to the Dome in St. Louis.  The Gateway to the West is the closest city to travel to, and is the city I am most familiar with among the prospective NFL towns.  If the Rams were good, the games might be worth more.

Indianapolis is a four-hour drive that seems to be manageable.  The Colts' most intriguing games include what could be a shootout with the Texans and a barn-burner against arch-rival New England Patriots.

Nashville is one of two cities on this list I have never been to, but comes with high praise from friends that have been to the city.  The Titans host the high-powered Cardinals.  And I've always wanted to see what the Wildcat would look like live.  The drive to Cashville is about three hours.

The least-likely destination is Cincinnati.  The drive is one that is nearly five-and-a-half hours, which is similar to the one I would make to sweet home Chicago.  But I've never been to Cincy before and would be very intrigued by the idea of eating Cincinnati's world-famous chili, tweeting with @OGOchocinco and hanging out with Cedric Benson and a crew of attractive single white females on a boat.  That trip would surely end with several intakes of road beef.

KC is the longest of the long shots, but again, comes highly recommended.  Especially, its tailgating.

Several games were eliminated because of schedule and holiday conflicts.  (Not to be confused with Holliday conflicts.)  College suggestions will also be accepted.

Your vote will be taken into consideration.

So, where should we go?

Where should TBDS go next?

• Colts @ Rams (Oct. 25)
• Bears @ Bengals (Oct. 25)
• Chargers @ Chiefs (Oct. 25)
• Saints @ Rams (Nov. 15)
• Cardinals @ Rams (Nov. 22)
• Texans @ Colts (Nov. 8)
• Patriots @ Colts (Nov. 15)
• Cardinals @ Titans (Nov. 29)
• Dolphins @ Titans (Dec. 20)

Created on Oct 13, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

TBDS Day At The Park (Part II): Adventures In Cub-Dumb & Mr. Smith Goes To Wrigleyville

A new tradition: TBDS Day At The Park Part Deux

The SalukiOrphan finally popped his Wrigleyville cherry. I hope it was as good for him as it was for everyone else involved. Never has a Cubs loss to the Cardinals ever been so entertaining. How so? Read on.

THE FANS

The fun part about the Cubs-Cardinals rivalry is that it doesn't get as ugly as the Crosstown Classic games. There was plenty of trash talk, but nothing that went beyond that. In fact, the best ribbing came from a certain Cubs fan.

OK, I'll admit it. It was me.

I took umbrage with Jeff Samardzija's appearance as I noted how much of a shame it was that Chicago's best wide receiver was playing baseball. That was greeted to some laughs. After his craptacular performance, yours truly chanted "please play foot-ball" which received the loudest applause from Cubs fans since Derrek Lee's game-tying homer.

On the other hand, I wasn't appreciated as much when I made a crack about the scoreboard painting race between the pint-sized double-play duo of Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot in which I called Mike Fontenot a midget. The lady in front of me, a woman with a Fukudome jersey, called me out in quite a snarky tone saying to be careful of what I say. I apologized in principal, but then she said "you never know when someone might have one, like me."

Cubs fans have proven to be soft, especially in the last few years. This is more proof of it.

Cards fans, don't think you're off the hook just yet. You're not going to get away walking with a halo. Though you should be commended for making the trip to Chicago. But unfortunately for you good folks, you have to go back to St. Louis. Have fun with your arch, provolone-cheese pizza and your once-proud joke of a football team. Not to mention your college hoops squad coached by Rick Majerus.

I was awfully disappointed with the douchiness of some of the St. Louis faithful. Nothing says "I'm a homo" like wearing two double-extra small wife-beaters with sunglasses you swear were from the unisex section. Also, this is the Midwest, no need for the spiked gel hair that birds could use as a perch.

You make me sick.

THE QUOTES

Lady behind me after Hoffpauir hits meaningless double: "Why isn't he playing more?"
Me: "Because he's hitting .242."

"Pitching to Albert Pujols is like cheating on O.J. Simpson. What results in the end won't be good."

Me: "Do you know how I know we're at Wrigley Field?"
SalukiOrphan: "How?"
Me: "Because there's pretty girls at this ball park."

SalukiOrphan: "I paid all those cute girls to wear Cardinals shirts."
Me: "I knew you were a good friend."

Me (after the tarp is removed after early rain delay): "The playing field looks great. Thanks Big Z and Albert!"

THE JOKES

I can't count the number of Tony LaRussa drunk driving jokes I made during that ball game. All I remember that for most of the game, they were coming every half hour. One of the better ones came after I overheard a Cards fan say LaRussa was the "driving force" behind the Cardinals' success this season. To which I responded "I don't want LaRussa to be driving anything around me."

There were also countless lawn mowing references, especially after learning that several fans in the area had read The Big Dead Sidebar's most infamous post. That also helped inspire the "Cardinals fans can read" joke.

THE HATRED FOR TLR

An aside: F*** you, Tony. I know you read The Big Dead Sidebar. How? Because you sued Twitter over an account that mocked you and apparently it made you look bad. People mock me and make me look bad all the time. And you know what I do about it? Nothing. I write a blog in which its baseball posts generally revolve around statistics. Or in your case, a very entertaining DUI video.

But for you to swap Brett Thompson for Chris Carpenter on TBDS Day At The Park Part Two is crossing the line, pal. It was totally unnecessary. The only logical reason to do so would be to make me suffer on my one weekend homecoming to Chicago. Well, guess what Tony, you won. But guess who won more? Me.

In fact, everyone one this weekend. Sure, SalukiOrphan got to see his beloved Cardinals win at the holy ground that is Wrigley Field. But...I got to make you the butt of nearly 75 percent of my jokes.

That's worth more than 1/162 of your season.

THE END

TBDS Day At The Park Take II: Saturday Friday In The Park

The proudest moment of my life. You know, other than that one time I kissed that pretty girl. Or that time I got hired by an actual newspaper.

Ladies and gentlemen, weeeeeeee're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

The last time TBDS members had a day at the park, we had a memorable day in which we uncovered this shirt and were subsequently picked up by numerous actual news sites such as NBC Chicago and The Huffington Post, not to mention the ultimate tip of the cap of being DUAN'd on Deadspin.

So, what do we do as a follow up. Who knows? But here are some predictions:

1. SalukiOrphan incites an altercation with Milton Bradley. Hilarity ensues.
2. Jeff finds his fandom ... in the rival Cardinals after Albert Pujols hits a home run and celebrates by giving our NBA expert a special handshake.
3. Luis gets drunk, fires off a slew of offensive tweets directed at Cardinal Nation following text messages of unrequited love to pretty girls.

Oh, you were looking for something out of the ordinary. My bad.

As an aside, it's good to be back home in Chicago. I miss this place sometimes. The food. The atmosphere. The gas prices at $3.25 per gallon at the Shell on Irving Park & Pulaski. OK, so I don't miss that part, but if you know me then you will get the gist of what I'm saying.

We'll have some sort of recap, I'm sure.

News, Notes & Quotes From The Inaugural TBDS Day At The Park

I'm on my way to Carbondale to return to an apartment that will have power, but will also a fridge that desperately needs to be cleaned out.

While I'm driving, here is some crap I put together after a day at the ballpark.

News:

The Cubs lost. Big deal, right? Well, kind of. Losing to Brian Moehler is a bit embarassing ... mostly because he is bad. I'm convinced the Astros 3-4-5 hitters are aruably the best in the National League. Once each part of the Berkman-Lee-Tejada triumverate gets its act together, the 'Stros will be making NL pitchers miserable.

I'm also convinced the Astros marketing team, which coined that whole "Killer Bs" business in the 1990s is actually in charge of player personnel.

Biggio, Bagwell, Bell, Berry and others have been replaced by Berkman, Blum, Bourn and Byrdak.

How long until they try to swing a deal for Emilio Bonafacio or talk Darin Erstad into putting a "B" before Erstad.

Notes:

This has got to happen again. Hopefully when the money is more free-flowing and the wind isn't blowing off Lake Michigan. Possibly in the bleachers. Probably in a stadium that is not Wrigley Field. I feel as if a TBDS nationwide tour could be something that is in the making.

TBDS World Tour, coming soon(?)

Quotes:

"If I had to choose between one night with the girl of my dreams or a Cubs World Series championship ... can I have both? Seriously, I might take the girl. I think I can parlay one night into much more more, I think I'm that damn good." - Me and the great debate.

I'll encourage M.J. Hartwig to provide his two cents eventually.

The National League Central Has Cornered The Market On Landscaping, Offensive T-Shirts

In early May, Joe Sports Fan revealed that the St. Louis marketplace, with its "Zambrano Mows My Lawn" t-shirt, was looking to make a move on the offensive paraphernalia market which is primarily owned by the Chicago Cubs.

Well, while randomly wandering around Wrigleyville after the Cubs' 6-5 loss to the Houston Astros, myself and TBDS co-founder Matt Hartwig came across a classy (and by classy I mean equally racist) Chicago response during the inaugural TBDS Day At The Park.

My response: "Horry Kow" another offensive shirt!

How long until "Lee Picks My Cotton" and "LaRussa Is My Designated Driver" t-shirts come out?

Seriously, what's next? Ponder that while I go hide in shame.

Someone's Getting Dragged Out Of Wrigleyville Like This

Welcome to the Sunday edition of The Big Dead Sidebar. Today is TBDS Day At The Park where M.J. Hartwig and yours truly are expected to rip Wrigleyville to shreds as Rich Harden looks to throw 100 pitches without blowing out his right arm against Brian Moehler and the Houston Astros.

Meanwhile, Cubs reliever Kevin Gregg looks to not blow and Crazy Uncle Milton looks to not blow up.

We'll see how things play out