Cubs, White Sox Prepare For Meaningless Game

MLB slogan for today's Cubs-Sox showdown: This Time It's Meaningless.

The City of Big Shoulders can just brush this one off.  The Cubs and White Sox square off one last time, but at this point of the season, it is nothing more than a glorified audition for next year's game.

Once upon a time, both of these team's were contenders for their respective division championships.  Had each team held up its own end of the bargain, today's game at Wrigley Field would have turned into some over-hyped game-for-the-ages spectacle featuring two teams fighting for a playoff spot.  And even though they don't play in the same division, let alone the same league, it would not have stopped anyone from playing the "my team's gonna knock your team out of playoff contention" game.

The only bragging rights here are as follows:

• If the Cubs win, it means the series is tied up at 36-36.
• If the White Sox win, it gives them a 37-35 lead and will go into the winter with something for White Sox Nation (really, is that what they call themselves?) to hang its inferiority-complex ridden hat on.

Couple that with its win in the Jake Peavy sweepstakes and the fact that the Cubs will need to rely on the smarts (bursts out in laughter) of Jim Hendry to re-tool this team in the offseason, it looks to me that White Sox fans already have a lot to brag about.

Then they'd look at their 65-69 record and hang their head in shame.  If only they could read, of course.

Daily Dosage: The Windy City Blows

Ozzie loooooves his White Sox fans! (via Photobucket)

The White Sox took two of three from the Cubs this weekend in the battle of whack Windy City baseball. These teams might play a make-up game at Wrigley in September, setting up a situation where one team could theoretically serve a blow to each other's playoff chances. But we won't talk about that until both teams are over .500.

Ozzie Guillen continues to live in bizarro world. First, he welcomed the Cubs to the world class facilities of the South Side, which included meth labs, crack spots and the ever so popular 35th Street underpass. Then he goes on to say Sox fans are not stupid like Cubs fans. (Remembers the Ligue's jumping Royals first base coach Tom Gamboa. Then other fans jumping umpire Laz Diaz. Then other fans harassing Craig Biggio's wife at teh 2005 World Series.) You're right Ozzie, White Sox fans aren't stupid. They're just embarrassing. [Chicago Tribune, Paul Sullivan]

Phil Rogers' stupidity continues. "Get Carlos Zambrano out of here, even if the Cubs have to give him away. He's not the guy you want as the ace of a curse-busting team, and at this point, it's wishful thinking that he'll ever mature into that guy. Proving that I did not attend Kellogg, Wharton or even the Acme School of Business, I offer this proposition for Jim Hendry: First thing Monday morning, put Zambrano on waivers. If anyone claims him and the $62.75 million left on his contract, which runs through 2012, immediately trade him for whatever is being offered, from a bag of balls to a 32-year-old minor-leaguer."

I won't even justify that with a witty response. [Chicago Tribune, That One Idiot]

Random Thought: This tidbit in the Trib suggests Aaron Miles could go on the disabled list soon. The former Cardinal is batting .203 this season with the Cubs, which begs the question: When was he ever able? Just cut bait.

Random Thought II: In theory, the Cubs traded Mark DeRosa for Aaron Miles and three minor leaguers. And unless those minor leaguers become Hall of Famers, Cubs fans will never live this down.

Here We Go Again: Cubs, White Sox, Baseball, Booze and The South Side ... What Can Go Wrong?

No need for a Michael Buffer reference, because we all know something's going down on the South Side this weekend. Ozzie Guillen welcomed the North Siders to the South Side's "excellent, new facilities." I didn't know he was hosting the Cubs for dinner at Harold's Chicken Shack, which happens to be the finest facility south of Addison Street.

It was a little too quiet for my liking when the teams split a pair of games on the North Side. And with the Cubs sliding down that slippery slope of suck, don't be surprised if Lou Piniella kicks dirt, throws bases or puts Alfonso Soriano in a head lock.

Speaking of which, how long until Milton Bradley beats up a father-son tandem that tried to jump him from behind. I say, pregame, Game 1.

And how long 'til Ozzie starts throwing at the rats' heads this weekend? No, not the Wrigley rats. I'm talking about the hood rats that sleep at that Red Line stop and line 35th Street.

Throwing for the Sox this weekend will be Contreras, Buehrle and Danks. The Cubs counter with Wells, Dempster and Zambrano. If the White Sox don't sweep this series I'll be surprised.

And if the Cubs win one game out of this series, I will consider this road trip a success.

Cubs Bats Awaken For Comeback Win As Told By A Game Thread And Your Facebook Status Update

Derrek Lee hit a basket shot and the Facebook statuses flowed ... "stupid f****** basket" ... no one had any beef Wednesday when Alexei Ramirez hit a basket ball in the White Sox's win. Just saying. Then Geovany Soto decided to launch a no-doubter. The Facebook status updates began to roll in, with content that shouldn't be seen by children. (Seriously, anyone can be on Facebook now, even children. That's whack!) Finally, the Cubs won in the bottom of the ninth.

That's how it was from my perspective. As for the enemy, check this out.

@2:57 p.m. after Alexei Ramirez's two-run homer off Carlos Zambrano gave the White Sox a 3-1 lead: "Hawk just gave a "HELL YES!"

At times, I feel bad that a really good analyst has to babysit Hawk. Then again, once he left the Cubs, Stoney became pompous know-it-all wanna be GM.

@3:15 p.m. after Chris Getz knocked in some more runs to extend the White Sox's lead: G-E-T-Z GETZ GETZ GETZ.

I see what you did there, that's a New York Jets reference. At this point, I'm counting down the days until Jay Cutler's thrwoing touchdown passes to Plaxico Burress.

@3:17 p.m. as the Sox hold a seemingly insurmountable 5-1 lead: Are the Cubs fans crying yet?

No, at this point we're calling for someone's head. Someone more important than Gerald Perry.

@3:35 as Derrek Lee hits a three-run homer in which the Cubs are still down by one. This can only be described by one word (edited by yours truly): "F***BALLS"

(expletive deleted)

@3:37 p.m. as Geovany Soto took a mouthful of Flintstone's Vitamins before knocking one out of the part, the South Side begins (continues?) to crumble: "For serious...what the hell just happened?"

What happened? So-to-the-to decided he wanted to not lose his job to Koyie Hill.

@3:48 p.m. and this is why this message ("Just read your Cubs-Sox drinking game. For the record, you would've been sober at the top of the 8th and drunk by the bottom of the 9th had you listened to Hawk & Stoney today.") last night made sense: "shutup about the umps for f***sakes"

(See the official Cubs-Sox drinking game here)

@3:59 p.m. moments after Alfonso Soriano blooped a winner. Tears flow throughout 35th St. as the White Sox lose: "i can't stand that damn song. it doesnt even make sense. if anything it should be sung BEFORE the game. they sing "cubs are going to win today" AFTER a win. we todd did."

Remember, South Siders: Meth is bad.

And then with the status updates, because I'm sure this is exactly what Mark Zuckerberg envisioned when he created Facebook.

Status 1: CUBS WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
Status 2: the automatic out comes through in the clutch..BALLGAME.
Status 3: scrubs got lucky. Let's see how good you are at Comiskey!

Prepare for a healthy dosage of Facebook status updates dedicated to the returns of Mark DeRosa and Kerry Wood.

Gamethread #2: White Sox vs. Cubs [South Side Sox]

Crosstown Classic Round Up: Round 1, Game 1 Where Sox Scrubs Beat Cubs

Cy Danks throws against the hitless blunders

Game 1 of the Crosstown Classic was a microcosm of the Chicago Cubs' year. And who did the most damage for the South Side 'Hit' Men in their 4-1 win? A .251 hitter, a .233 hitter and a .250 hitter.

Ryan Dempster proved why he wasn't worth a dime of that multi-million dollar extension as he walked 6 batters en route to making the 2009 White Sox look like the 1927 Yankees and dropping his record dropped to 4-4 this season. Meanwhile, John Danks looked like Steve Carlton as he continuously found holes in the Cubs' bats, punching out 7 hitters to pick up the win. Danks made the Cubs line-up look like it had scrubs such as Aaron Miles, Reed Johnson and Mike Fontenot playing big roles in the game.

Oh wait.

Well, enough from me, let's see what others are saying.

Rick Morrissey thinks Lou Piniella just might shake the sh** out of this line-up:

"It's getting to the point where I'm going to have to start making some tough decisions and get other people in the lineup," Piniella said calmly. "I've been real patient with it, I'll tell you."

If Piniella is looking to jump-start his team, the best thing he can do is move Alfonso Soriano -- both offensively and defensively. His .291 on-base percentage is not helping the Cubs in the leadoff spot. Move him to sixth in the order and bat Ryan Theriot first. Put Jake Fox in left field, knowing you're going to sacrifice some defense (though not much) to get Fox's bat in the lineup, and send Soriano to second base. [Chicago Tribune]

The headline says it all: Nice work by the folks over at South Side Sox with the all-too-apt headline "White Sox Execute Cubs in Series Opener." Oh if it were only that true. Here's what the South Siders had to say.

"Stoney and Hawk heaped gobs of praise in Ozzie Guillen's direction for his brilliant management Wednesday -- I can't deny that he made all the right moves -- but I have to give far more credit to the White Sox execution of that game plan as a reason for the victory. ... While the Cubs and Sox are both clearly struggling offensively this season, the Sox at least looked like they had a solid approach at the plate today. ..." [South Side Sox]

Well, at least both sides have hot fans* in their corner.

* Apparently denotes girls that happen to be sporting a certain team's apparel, most likely based on the appearance of one's backside in baseball pants.

Drunk: The Only Way To Enjoy Chicago Baseball For The Next Three Days

Prediction: You'll be looking like that guy by the top of the third inning.

Chicago's baseball teams are good at being mediocre. With that said, it is hard to fathom enjoying a game that features only one hitter batting higher than .300 (A.J. Pierzynski, .303) and a slew of underachieving former All-Stars all while being sober.

That is why yours truly has invented The Cubs-Sox Drinking Game. As a warning, please enjoy responsibly. Do not drink if you are under the age of 21. Do not drink if you are pregnant or think you are pregnant. Do not attempt to operate machinery or a motor vehicle after drinking.

Proceed with caution.

One Drink

• Whenever you hear the term "Crosstown Classic"
• Whenever the Pierzynski/Barrett fight is brought up
• Whenever "picks to click" are mentioned
• Whenever you hear this overall series is tied
• Alfonso Soriano does his hop-catch routine
• Whenever an Alexei Ramirez swing-and-miss reminds you of a Soriano swing-and-miss
  
• Any mention of new Cubs hitting coach Von Joshua (double if it is mentioned he used to be the Sox hitting instructor)
  

Two Drinks

• Whenever you hear Len Kasper's home run call
• Whenever you hear Bob Brenly provides constructive criticism
• Whenever Steve Stone says "for all you little leaguers at home"
• A player from either team hits a home run
• Whenever Kosuke Fukudome spins in the batters box like a dancing queen
• Any reference about the NL not having a DH or not being allowed to play Jim Thome
  
• Whenever Ozzie Guillen argues with an umpire (double if he gets ejected)
  

Three Drinks

• Whenever you hear Hawk Harrelson's home run call
• Any reference to any player that played for the Cubs and the Sox
• References to Ozzie Guillen bashing Wrigley Field
• Anytime you see a sign that puts down the Cubs or the Sox
• Whenever Lou Piniella argues with an umpire (double if he gets ejected)
  

Finish Your Drink

• Whenever Hawk drops a Carl Yastrzemski reference
• Whenever Hawk complains about the umpiring
  
• Whenever the camera comes across a Cubs-Sox couple
• Whenever the White Sox's 2005 World Championship is mentioned
• Any reference to 'Go Cubs Go' (two drinks if the Cubs win)
  

The Battle For Mayor Daley's Unconditional Love Starts Today At Wrigley Field

Even though they only count for 0.03 percent of the schedule, the six games between the Cubs and White Sox is each hyped as it is Game 7 of the World Series. And with both teams floundering around the .500 mark, these six games might as well serve as some kind of postseason play.

Personally, I always wondered why something more than bragging rights was on display. Maybe a Harry Caray bobble-head should go to the winner of each series. Or the rights to have Steve Stone as an analyst. How about the loser has to lug around Sammy Sosa's boom box around until the next series.

Enough of what I have to say, here's what the rest of the Web is saying about the next installment of mediocre Chicago baseball.

Dan McGrath stirs the pot: "The Cubs have a slightly better record and are a little closer to the division lead as the squads prepare for the first of their two crosstown skirmishes, beginning Tuesday night at Wrigley Field. But I believe the White Sox have a better chance of playing on into October." [Chicago Tribune]

The Big Hurt: Be patient with Bradley: "''Milton shows up in the second half. We wouldn't have gotten to the playoffs in Oakland [in 2006] without him. Don't be too quick to judge Milton Bradley. The guy has a flair for the dramatic. He was a teammate of mine, and I thoroughly enjoyed playing with him.'" [Chicago Sun-Times]

The obligatory "it's just another series" blog post: "Each team's main goal is to win their respective division championships. Considering the fact that the Cubs and Sox are placed in different leagues, the outcome of one team has no bearing on the other. Sure, winning these next three games are important because they count towards the record. But, there is nothing sweeter about beating the Sox than anybody else." [Ekim52 @ MLBlogs]

Alright, kids, play nice. Stay tuned for the TBDS Cubs-Sox drinking game rules.