Out Of Hibernation: The Segment Formerly Known As Bears Buzz

Sometime Sunday afternoon, I came up with a more clever name for the blog responsible for the Chicago Bears round-up segment.  Though it lacks the alliteration of Bears Buzz, it is name that seems to fit Bears rewind blogs -- especially after yesterday's game against the Cleveland Browns.

Talk about being Cutlerfucked.  The Bears offense was only able to muster 30 points against the 31st ranked defense in the NFL.  Pathetic.  You can chalk up this anemic offensive effort to a lack of execution and piss poor play calling.

Cutler threw for only 225 yards and a 66 passer rating, but in his defense, it's hard to complete passes down the field when you're flat on your back or running for dear life.  Rex Grossman found that out the hard way.  So did Kyle Orton.  The difference is Cutler has made plays with his feet, but thanks to Rob Ryan's stingy play calling (combined with an offensive line that truly is offensive) Cutler couldn't cut it against the Browns.

At what point will the Bears try to assist Cutler by leaving a back or a tight end to help block because I don't expect offensive coordinator Ron Turner to adjust his pass protection schemes any time soon.  Not because he wouldn't want to, but instead because he just might be too incompetent to do so.  The Bears offense is wasting the fast development of Devin Hester, Johnny Knox and Earl Bennett, all while stunting the growth of Greg Olsen.

Remember how the Bears defensive line coach took the axe last season for Bob Babich?  Anyone know who the Bears offensive line coach is?  If so, warn him of what happened to his former colleague.  Besides, that's how Chicago ended up with Rod Marinelli, isn't it?

One week after sleep walking through a 45-10 loss at Cincinnati, the Bears defense stepped up and forced five Cleveland turnovers.  Those five turnovers turned into 20 of the team's 30 points, including a Charles Tillman pick-six.

Chicago was able to pressure Derek Anderson throughout the game, which was a sign of progress for a defense that failed to lay a single finger on Cincinnati quarterback Carson Palmer.  Remember when Anderson was a must-have free agent quarterback?  Yeah, I vaguely remember that offseason.  Braylon Edwards was good, so was Kellen Winslow.

Where the Browns have failed the most is on draft day.  Do you think they're regretting taking offensive lineman Joe Thomas rather than running back Adrian Peterson?

If the Bears offense was a joke in Sunday's win, the Browns' offense was the punchline.

I could fill this space with an expletive filled rant.  I won't.

Instead, I'll politely ask Ron Turner to turn in his play book and kindly ask him to never return to Soldier Field again.  Bland and predictable, Turner's offense looks like it has yet to move on beyond the early-to-mid 1990s.  There is personnel on the field that is capable of scoring more than 30 points against Cleveland.

The Bears have struggled in the red zone this season, and that's great for Robbie Gould's fantasy owners, but not good for a team that needs to score touchdowns seeing that its best defensive player is out for the season while the team's best healthy defender has mentally checked out as well.

Runs up the middle with guys marginally bigger than your local high school baller.  Screen passes on 3rd and long situations.  It's a playbook so conservative, conservative politicians think it's too damn radical.  Heck, even when the Bears broke out into the Wildcat formation ... they lost yards.

Only under Ron Turner could this happen.

Turner has been around this game a long time, but so have John Madden NFL video games.  Maybe if Turner uploaded the recent Madden NFL 10 updates, he could learn a thing or two just by asking Madden.

And just when you thought the Bears offense was the worse, I'm reminded of the Oakland Raiders.

Two touchdowns, 121 yards from scrimmage (90 rushing) ... welcome back Matt Forte.  If only for one week.

CBS spent more time re-telling the sad story of how the Bears have had a billion shitty quarterbacks since Sid Luckman than they did on honoring Walter Payton.  While the references throughout the game were a nice touch, showing only about 10 seconds of the halftime tribute left me wanting more.

Thankfully, chicagobears.com comes through in the clutch.  Just like Sweetness did time and again.

Favretoberfest is o-vah!  Brett Favre conquered his former team at his former home as the Vikings held off the Packers in a 38-26 win.

The game left me with the following conclusions:
  • Aaron Rodgers is the real deal.
  • No one in the NFC North is catching the Vikings.
  • The only person Thom Brenneman loves more than Brett Favre is Tim Tebow.
  • I wish the Bears had the Vikings' Adrian Peterson.
I guess I'll start with my analysis of Aaron Rodgers, who has been the NFC North's best quarterback this year.  Blah. Blah. Brett Favre this.  Brett Favre that.  With no offensive line, a declining Ryan Grant and a swiss-cheese defense, Rodgers has thrown for 1,989 yards and 14 touchdowns against 2 interceptions.

Does he benefit from having excellent receivers in Greg Jennings and Donald Driver.  Sure.  But Rodgers has been harassed more than the only girl at a college frat party.

If you want to crown 'em, then crown 'em.  The Minnesota Vikings are going to win the NFC North barring some kind of stunning collapse that is generally reserved for the Chicago Cubs.  Their defense is good and their offense is efficient.  It doesn't hurt when you have Adrian Peterson, but it is the emergence of Sidney Rice and Percy Harvin that keep this team moving forward.

Harvin is the new Devin Hester.  Do not kick to him under any circumstances.

The only shot the Bears have at a playoff spot will be to win a Wild Card berth.  They'll have to duke it out with the second place finishers of the NFC East and NFC South.  The Bears already blew it against Atlanta, but they can make it up at home where they play four of their next six games.

As for Favre, I'm sick of the divorce comparison.  It's just not apt.  Packers fans have the right to be pissed at Favre and boo.  You want a better analogy?  Well, here goes nothing.

Favre and the Packers are married?  Cool.  Favre & Ted Thompson are getting up there in age.  The kids have graduated college and really there's nothing else to be done around the house and both parties are better off moving on with their own assets.  Then Thompson gets mad at Favre for hanging out with his friend Retirement.  It wasn't like he was banging Retirement with no rubbers or anything.  It was more like Favre would go out late with Retirement but always coming home to Thompson.

One day, Thompson was fed up when Brett hung out with Retirement for too long before coming home one night.  Thompson then sent Brett to New York on a vacation.  However, it pissed Brett off to be kicked out of the house he helped build.  So after a year in New York, Favre returned to the Midwest ... not with Retirement ... but like Hugh Hefneras he traded in Retirement a slew of hotties that are DTF known as the Minnesota Vikings.

And while Ted's got a looker on his own arm that he can boast, it's underdeveloped.  Kind of like Miley Cyrus.

Thus concluding this wonderful analogy and this new segment.


Unknown said...

You are insane. lol.

You are right about no one in the NFC North catching the Vikes.