Brett Favre To Stay Retired, ESPN To Send Pedro Gomez To Stalk Manny Ramirez

Beating the Green Bay Packers twice was apparently not enough for Brett Favre to come back and play with the Minnesota Vikings.

The only bigger losers than the Vikes in this situation is the Chicago Bears secondary, which will not get a chance to pick off numerous overthrown Favre passes.

Source: Favre rebuffs Vikings, will stay retired [Yahoo! Sports]

Meanwhile ... Josh McDaniels, meet your new quarterback

He's no Tom Brady. And don't be fooled by that No. 18, he's not even Matt Cassel.

His name is Kyle Orton, and his numbers are eerily similar to Rex Grossman's.

Chris Simms just read this blog and thinks he has a chance to start. Phil Simms, too. Residents of SimsCity ... well ... um ... yeah they probably gotta shot in the dark. And suddenly Matt Sanchez's draft stock just went up.

Ladies and gentlemen of Denver, enjoy the three-headed monster soon to be known as Makyris Ortsimchez. Or something like that.

Photo Credit: This wonderful site!

The Bears got their QB and I j***ed in my pants

"Oh my God, the Bears might actually be good next year."

Those were the words uttered by a DE sports writer who happens to be a Green Bay Packers fan after learning the Chicago Bears have acquired quarterback Jay Cutler in exchange for a boatload of draft picks and QB Kyle Orton.

That's right Bears fan, out with the Neckbeard, in with a quarterback who won't underthrow Devin Hester.

Unless there's a hitch in the deal, Jerry Angelo has just climbed the ranks of Chicago's best general managers.

Bears get their quarterback in trade for Cutler [Chicago Sun-Times]

Signs the Chicago Bears aren't going to be good in 2009

HEADLINE: Backup battle brewing for Chicago Bears quarterback.

Remember, kids. If you have three capable quarterbacks, it really means that you have none. And that's where the Bears are right now. No quarterbacks.

Kyle Orton isn't terrible, but he's average at best. In fact, on average days, he's below average. I doubt that makes sense, but believing Orton is the quarterback of the present or future doesn't make sense either.

As for Orton's back-ups, well, they make Orton look like Peyton Manning.

Bears fans thought Caleb Hanie, who is entering his second year out of Colorado State, was the second coming. When Orton was hurt and Rex Grossman was bad, fans yearned for Hanie to get the nod. I won't even waste my breath on the kid. I feel as if he will go the way of Steve Stenstrom, Moses Moreno, Henry Burris, Ken Mastrole and the rest of suck known as ex-Bears quarterbacks.

As for Brett Basanez, well, he's a Northwestern guy. Quick: last really good QB the Wildcats developed. Otto Graham? Northwestern develops really smart people, not superstar athletes. Next.

Any word on Jay Cutler? No. But why would there be? He's too talented for the Bears' simple-minded offense.

What is the Bears' obsession with mediocre QBs?

The Chicago Bears seem to have expressed sadness in losing out on the David Carr and Luke McCown sweepstakes before they even started.

And I would be too ... if Carr and McCown were worth a damn. It's not as if Carr is coming off a 4,000-yard, 40-touchdown season. You know, the kind of numbers you expect out of a No. 1 overall pick.

As for McCown, I needed a copy editor to make sure I wasn't about to blog about former Bear failure Cade McNown. Then I realized I would want neither under center even if my only other choice was Peter Tom Willis.

And before you ask, Chris Simms is not the answer to what ails the Bears. Neither is Byron Leftwich.

With that said, I'm trying to figure out the Bears' obsession with mediocrity, especially at the quarterback position ... you know ... the most important position on the field.

Why put so much time, money and effort into bringing in a back up when they should be on a nationwide manhunt for a franchise quarterback?

Oh, I know. Because it's more cost efficient to hope that a career back up catches lightning in a bottle for 16 games. Sounds like the kind of strategy a team that hasn't won a Super Bowl since 1985 would use.

Don't worry, Kyle, your job is safe as long as Jerry Angelo is around.

Is it time for a Booty call in Minnesota?

The Minnesota Vikings are 0-2 with arguably the most exciting running back not named LT running around, through and past defenders.

Yet the passing game isn't passing at all. In fact it's failing.

So whenever a relationship gets rocky, isn't a Booty call in order?

That's what Vikings fans have to be thinking: John David Booty is the answer.

The former University of Southern California star is waiting in the wings for head coach Brad Childress to topple the Tavaris Jackson regime and insert the former Trojan.

Booty can't do worse than Jackson, who is single handedly ruining the Vikings playoff chances every time he drops back to pass. And that's the killer thing right there.

The fact that the AP Express continues to roll even though everybody in the United States of America knows that No. 28 is going to get the ball is astonishing.

And don't even throw out the idea of Gus Frerotte starting for the Vikes. I'm sure Minnesota football fans would rather see a triumverate of furry ferrets taking snaps than Gus the Bust.

So it's time to give Booty a chance.

It's not like he was terrible at USC. He was a Heismen Trophy candidate before getting hurt. His 518 career completitions and 6,125 passing yards rank fifth in school history. Did I mention he went to USC - which has produced quality college arms such as Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart.

I guess you can start penciling New England Patriots back-up Matt Cassel and current USC starter Mark Sanchez for future reference too, while you're at it.

The point is, at 0-2, the Vikings chances of making the playoffs are slim - and that's only because their quarterback is anemic at best.

There's no time like the present to start experimenting ... or hitting the free agent market.

How do Nick Hill and Daunte Culpepper not have jobs?

Somehow Tarvaris Jackson still has a starting job in the NFL.

I find it difficult to fathom that he is better than a former Minnesota Vikings guy like Daunte Culpepper after a pathetic showing that saw Jackson complete 16 of 35 passes for 178 yards and a touchdown in a 24-19 loss that was capped with a Rex Grossman-esque interception.

Sure his numbers weren't dreadful, or Grossman like. But the numbers don't lie otherwise. A completion percentage well below 50 percent is bad enough but this guy has more weapons than most teams in the NFL. He's got Sidney Rice and Bernard Berrian as well as some guy named Adrian Peterson.

All that and career QB rating of just-around 70 percent.

How does this guy still have a job?

How does Purple Jesus only get 19 carries in this game when he still had 100-plus yards?

It's frustrating to watch a team loaded with talent on both sides of the ball struggle like this. I'm sure it's worse for Vikings fans that will certainly be calling for...Gus Frerotte?

Yikes, talk about no plan B.

If I'm a Vikes fan I'd rather see John David Booty give it a whirl. He could be the next Carson Palmer for all we know...

Or he could be the next Matt Leinart.

After another week of this, it may be worth the risk to find out. Besides... he is the son of a preacher man after all.

But he's also the brother of this winner. Somehow, Josh Booty isn't exactly akin to one of the Manning Bros.

NFC North: A QB Crapshoot

In yesterday's 6 p.m. blog, I ridiculed Kyle Orton for "winning" a quarterback competition comparable to being named valedictorian of summer school. However, I conveniently forgot that the rest of the QB's in the NFC North suck. Let's run it down, briefly.

Jon Kitna, Detroit Lions. Kitna is a great quarterback. If he's on your fantasy team. In a league that doesn't count interceptions. Sure, he was NFL Europe MVP, but that and $1.50 can get me Sunday's Sun-Times. Kitna's best attribute is that he has a billion receivers to throw to (Thanks! Matt Millen) but no one to hand the ball off to.

Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers. There's a reason everyone wanted Brett Favre next. He's untested and just might crack under the pressure of following, The Man.

Tavaris Jackson, Minnesota Twins. Jackson is so bad, the fossil of Gus Frerotte and rookie John David Booty are better options in the short and long term. Jackson obviously has some dirty photos of Brad Childress because there is no reason he should be a starting quarterback for an NFL team.