Who's Burning Detroit? WBD3.0

[Editor's Note]: Last year, Scott Mieszala served as my Assistant Sports Editor before I went all Dusty Baker on him and burned him out midway through the semester.  Still, Scott presented his highly regarded weekly columns.  The fact that he is without a job while scabs such as Rick Morrissey and Chris DeLuca are still employed is a sad.  Someone, hire him.  With that said, here he is with a new rendition of his award-winning column, "Who's Burning Detroit?"

So, who will it be this week?  Find out after the jump.

Who's Burning Detroit?

[Editor's Note]: Last year, Scott Mieszala served as my Assistant Sports Editor before I went all Dusty Baker on him and burned him out midway through the semester.  Still, Scott presented his highly regarded weekly columns.  The fact that he is without a job while scabs such as Rick Morrissey and Chris DeLuca are still employed is a sad.  Someone, hire him.  With that said, here he is with a new rendition of his award-winning column, "Who's Burning Detroit?"

So, who will it be this week?  Find out after the jump.

Bears Buzz: They Are Who We Thought They Were (And They Still Suck)

Bears Buzz is the new segment which provides insight, analysis and below-the-belt shots at Chicago's opponents throughout the year. This week, the Detroit Lions reverted to their old ways.  Not that it wasn't expected, and believe me, no one in Chicago minded.

Cutler vs. Orton Picking Up Steam After Week 4 Wins. Are Possibilities Endless?

At times, I find myself peeking on the status of Kyle Orton as if he was an ex and as if his games are his Facebook status updates.  I really do not care what Orton does for the most part, because I'm happy with my new love interest quarterback, Jay Cutler.

Cutler, again, was better than good as he creeps toward being spectacular in the Chicago Bears' 48-24 win against the Detroit Lions.  He completed of 18 of 28 passes -- two of which went for touchdown scores.  One of said TD passes was a 4th-and-1 pitch-and-catch with tight end Greg Olson after Cutler also ran in for a 5-yard touchdown, flying through the air in way that resembled John Elway's Super Bowl scamper against the Green Bay Packers in 1998.

The 121 passing yards fall about 179 short of what I expected him to do, but in the end, it's about the wins right?

And that is exactly what people said about Kyle Orton's time in Chicago and what they're saying about his 4-0 start with the Denver Broncos.

For the second time this season, one of Orton's receivers turned an underthrown ball into a game-winning touchdown.  This time, it was Brandon Marshall, who came away with a pass intended for Dallas Cowboys cornerback Terrance Newman and ran it in 51 yards for a touchdown.  And unlike Cutler, Cowboys QB Tony Romo could not pull out a game-tying score as he continues to fail miserably and fall short of the lofty expectations laid at his feet by the mass media.

If there is such a thing as a group of "Football Gods," it seems as if they are sending the Bears and Broncos on a collision course that would culminate in a Super Bowl that will be filled with more drama than Eugene Robinson's night with a hooker cop.

Pigskin Pimpin: Week 4

Football stuff and gratuitous cheerleader photos after the jump.

Who's Burning Detroit?

[Editor's Note]: Last year, Scott Mieszala served as my Assistant Sports Editor before I went all Dusty Baker on him and burned him out midway through the semester.  Still, Scott presented his highly regarded weekly columns.  The fact that he is without a job while scabs such as Rick Morrissey and Chris DeLuca are still employed is a sad.  Someone, hire him.  With that said, and the Detroit Lions are coming into Soldier Field to face the Chicago Bears, I thought it would be the perfect time to bring Scott on to reprise his award-winning column, "Who's Burning Detroit?"


So, who will it be this week?  Find out after the jump.

Why Your Team Won't Beat Da Bears In The Super Bowl: The Cowardly Detroit Lions

Even PicApp refuses to acknowledge the Lions' existence.

Last season, the Detroit Lions became the first team in NFL history to lose each and every game of a 16-game schedule. This year, the Lions will attempt to repeat avoid that dubious feat.

The good news for the Lions is that they have a new coach, a new quarterback (whose GF has great cans) and even a new logo. The bad news for the Lions is that they play in Detroit and are still a franchise that hasn't fielded a winning season since 2000.

In more bad news for Detroit's footballers: they have to face Jay Cutler and the Chicago Bears ... twice!

And this is why the Cowardly Detroit Lions won't beat Da Bears once (let alone in the Super Bowl) this upcoming season.

1. Matt Stafford's road beef will distract Brian Urlacher only for so long. By now, everyone knows that the Bears' star middle linebacker goes through road beef like Charlie Weis goes through Italian Beef. And sure, Stafford's chick with the stellar rack might distract Urlacher for just a moment, but then again, there will be 10 other defenders ready to pound Stafford -- then her. Then her friends.

2. They don't have Jay Cutler. While Stafford might be the savior, he won't likely last long behind an offensive line that's got more holes than Britney Spears' fishnets. Neither will Daunte Stallworth Culpepper. Detroit's only hope is that GM or Ford can engineer Drew Henson and Drew Stanton into one serviceable quarterback named Drew Henstantson. But we know how their efforts have been doing as of late.

3. An early unforgiving schedule will make what's left of the fans in the Lions den migrate over to Joe Louis Arena to see what the Red Wings are doing. There isn't an easy game through the first six weeks of the season, and knowing the Lions, they'll find a way to lose during their bye week. They've got winnable games against St. Louis (Nov. 1), Seattle (Nov. 8) and Cleveland (Nov. 22). If they find themselves 0-15 by the time their second meeting with the Bears rolls around, expect Cutler to throw for at least 700 yards and five touchdowns.

4. Barry Sanders is still retired. That means scenes like this will be few and far between for Lions fans.

5. Detroit is just engineered to fail. The economy sucks. Fernando Rodney as a closer sucks. Rich Rod sucks. The only things that don't suck in Detroit are the Red Wings and Eminem (whose last album kinda sucked) -- both of which haven't been relevant to most of America since the early 2000s.

But if you happen to get stuck with a Detroit Lion on your fantasy team it better be wide receiver Calvin Johnson. Because owning Chris Hannon, Eric Fowler or Steve Sanders will help you clinch a record that might end up being worse thatn the Lions' by season's end.

Tomorrow's runner-up to the 2010 Super Bowl Champion Bears: St. Louis Rams.

Upon Further Review: The Lions Still Look Like Losers

After an 0-16 season, the Detroit Lions were desperately in need of a change.

Unfortunately for the Cowardly Lions, I do not think new jerseys is what their fandom had in mind.

And even though a name and logo change helped spur the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to an American League championship, they had amassed talent after years of suck.

All Detroit has from its years drafting high is Calvin Johnson and a bunch of scrubs.

Enjoy the cellar, boys.