Vick is back (almost)

The mystery is over and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has finally put an end to the question of when Michael Vick will be eligible to play in the regular season.

Mike Vick + Philly = Bad Newz

Check my college transcripts, I'm no mathematician, but Mike Vick signing with the Philadelphia Eagles cannot equal a happy ending.

Or can it?

Sure, Vick does give the Eagles a viable back-up quarterback once Week 10 rolls around when Donovan McNabb, who lobbied for the signing (video below via With Leather), hits the injured list with a bruised ego. But that's if (and only if) Vick hasn't put on 50 pounds of prison weight or that his prison time hasn't helped him hone his skills as a wide receiver.

(Yeah, I went there)

If McNabb is healthy for an entire season (fat chance) then head coach Andy Reid could really earn his paycheck by implementing some sort of Wildcat offense hybrid with McNabb, Vick and DeSean Jackson in the backfield. Defenses would be more confused than Lindsay Lohan after she leaves rehab.

On the other hand, Vick is going to Philly. And Philly fans make drunk, stupid Cubs fans look like saints with their behavior.

They've booed Santa. They throw batteries like the Black Sox threw ball games. They carry laser pointers to baseball games. The were pissed at last year's World Series result because the Phillies won it in five games rather than four.

One Mike Vick miscue, a silly drunk and one righteous animal activist could start a fan war that would pale in comparison to anything Cubs-Cardinals, Red Sox-Yankees, Duke-Carolina and Michigan-Ohio State could put on. Realize the PETA people are the same ones that shook their heads when President Obama swatted a fly.

Vick might need more help than Derrick Rose on an entrance exam.

And that is why I won't turn my eye away from this soon-to-be trainwreck.