Why Your Team Won't Beat The Bears In The Super Bowl: Oakland Raiders

I'm afraid to create a caption, so I won't.

The Oakland Raiders once were a team committed to excellence. Now, they're just a team committed to giving guys like me column fodder and punch lines when every other area dries up.

While many guys have a special lady they go to when times are rough, AFC West teams just try to bide their time until the Raiders pop up on their schedule. If the Washington Nationals are baseball's starter girlfriend, that must make the Raiders the NFL's dirty lil' thing on the side.

And with a status like that, there is no way the Oakland Raiders even have a chance to knock off your projected Super Bowl champion Chicago Bears.

1. Even 'Runaround Sue' will be good for 200 yards and two touchdowns. Saying that the Raiders' rush defense was porous would be kin to saying baseball has a small steroids problem. Oakland allowed opposing offenses to rush for 2,555 yards and 23 touchdowns.

Looking at the running backs they'll face this year, it won't likely get better. The list of rushing roulette is as follows: L.T. & Sproles (twice), Larry Johnson NFL (twice), Brandon Jacobs, Thomas Jones, Marion Barber, Willie Parker and Clinton Portis. That's at least 2,000 yards allowed there with games against Houston, Denver, Cleveland and Baltimore.

2. Darrius Heyward-Bey. Hayward-Bey will have less catches than the Bears' top two receivers. Book it.

3. The QB Conundrum. Oakland thinks it has two quarterbacks with youngster JaMarcus Russell and aging hipster Jeff Garcia. But remember kids, if you have two quarterbacks, it really means that you have none.

4. Chaz Schilens. Not only does Oakland have a guy named Chaz on their roster, he's at the top of the WR depth chart. Teams with guys named Chaz don't win Super Bowls. Plain and simple.

5. Al Davis. What' more to say about the worst owner in sports. He lives in the past and I'm surprised Oakland fans haven't tried a lil' coup d'etat to get a once proud franchise back. Maybe their waiting for Billy Beane to chemically engineer his football counterpart out of scratch.

NOTE: There is not one Oakland Raider worth drafting on your fantasy team this year. If you get stuck with one, either join another league and pretend that one doesn't exist or start prepping for the 2010 draft.

Tomorrow's runner-up to the 2010 Super Bowl Champion Bears: Jacksonville Jaguars

Into The Mailbag: Debunking The List

The other day, I received an e-mail that's worth addressing. The e-mail contested the validity of The List. By now, all of you who haven't been hiding in the MLBPA's shadow know what The List is.

For those of you who don't, The List is currently under court supervision and it has each and every player that tested positive for PEDs under what was supposed to be anonymous testing in 2003. However, in recent months, names such as Manny Ramriez, David Ortiz, Alex Rodriguez and Sammy Sosa have leaked to the mainstream media.

In late June, Rotoinfo.com posted a rumored list, which has since been removed and basically labeled a fake. The e-mail, which was originally sent from someone who claims they have a friend who [sic] "A FRIEND OF MINE WHO IS A JOURNALIST AND PERIODICALLY WRITES FOR THE BASEBALL DIGEST."

I'm not here to banter about anonymous sources, or leaks or any of that. I just want to debunk this list, and I'll do so in the exact verbatim I gave in the e-mail.

"The list is indeed false. This list has been floating around since June or July and was a big deal on blogs because the person who first posted "The List" online had come up short on previous reports based on sources he couldn't name. The big thing with these lists -- and this is how you can tell they're fake -- is the absence of Jason Grimsley. Grimsley was the pitcher for the Orioles (among other teams), named in the Mitchell Report, that is known for testing positive."

This is where the witch hunt begins. The MLBPA needs to play hush-hush about The List because it is the governement's hands, hence it can neither confirm nor deny such a List exists. Then there are those of use, myself and Hank Aaron alike, who want the list released. Finally, there are those who don't want it released because it's 2009, not 2003.

And while I agree that the past is the past, wrong has been done in baseball and it would even be more wrong to ignore it like it never happened. I hear a lot of baseball fans say that they don't care about The List. They don't care about the past. I'm not hearing any of that noise.

But what I will eventually hear is anyone and everyone gossiping about The List, and until it comes out, that's all it will be.

Gossip.

Now, on with the show.

Piniella, Hendry To Be Indicted If Cubs Fall Flat

In baseball purgatory, they'll be the ones getting popped instead of the bubbly.

The verdict is in.

We, the people (a.k.a. Me) find manager Lou Piniella and GM Jim Hendry to be responsible for all shortcomings for the two-time defending National League Central Division champion Chicago Cubs.

If this was Law & Order, the show would end with Hendry and Piniella holding their heads in their hands and Jerry Orbach (R.I.P.) saying that the Cubs are in a better place right now.

And fade to black.

The Case Against Hendry

With a payroll hovering around the $130 million mark, Hendry has fielded a team with little depth, a shaky bullpen and without an everyday second baseman. And yet, the man is still employed by the Chicago Cubs.

The Cubs downgraded at several positions this offseason, which is part of the reason the team struggled early before fighting its way back into the race. And while most of the venom spewed by Cubs fans is directed toward Milton Bradley in lieu of the Mark DeRosa trade, it should have been steered toward Aaron Miles (.195/.236/.263 ), Mike Fontenot (.231/.300/.390 ) and Hendry -- who engineered the trade.

Again, I have no problem with the trade. I do have a problem with Hendry not properly replacing the production (.825 OPS as a second baseman in 2008) left behind.

Despite DeRosa's 21 home runs and 63 runs batted in, his batting average, on-base percentage and OPS have taken a major hit since leaving the ivy covered walls of Wrigley Field. Joining St. Louis hasn't helped DeRo's cause as he is hitting .229 with a .291 OBP and a .786 OPS. Not exactly setting the world on fire since putting on Cardinal red.

Hendry also allowed the team to open camp without a proven lefty reliever. If not for the emergence of Sean Marshall and the recent acquisition of John Grabow, the Cubs would have a grand total of zero lefty specialists. And other than Randy Wells, the Cubs' inability to develop home grown talent is evident once again.

Things such as throwing money hoping to cure problem areas and calling up players from the team's AAAA Pittsburgh club is what Hendry has excelled at. But this franchise's struggle at the minor league level is beyond puzzling.

The Case Against Lou Piniella

It seems to me that Sweet Uncle Lou is toeing the same line that Dusty Baker walked in his tenure in Chicago. Just like Dusty, he "changed the culture" that had surrounded the ballclub. Under Piniella's watch, the Cubs have done everything from manning up to the shortcomings to drawing walks -- all in the name of winning a pair of division titles.

However, things have changed this year. And while it is easy (and relevant) to point out that Hendry handed Piniella a craptastic bullpen, it didn't mean Piniella had to abuse and misuse it. Not having Grabow ready, then bringing him in when it was too little, too late, was the tip of the iceberg.

Piniella has leaned too much on Carlos Marmol, who despite 64 strikeouts in 58 1/3 innings, has found a way to lead the league in hit batsmen. He has also had to lean a lot on Kevin Gregg, who has allowed 11 home runs, the most by any NL reliever. The combo that was supposed to be the rock at the back end of the bullpen, has gone soft.

It only took the Cubs until July to figure out that putting guys with high OBPs in front of the middle of the line-up thumpers would lead to a more efficient offense. It's like Piniella went to baseball-reference.com, lined up the players from highest OBP down and then wrote a line up card.

And despite all this crap, the Cubs are still only three games out of first place with about a month and a half of baseball remaining, which features 37 (!) games against teams under .500.

The Buried Lead: Jerry Reinsdorf Cares More About His Baseball Team Than He Does His Basketball Team

Ben Gordon hides his laughter after learning the White Sox had acquired Alex Rios, and his nearly $60 million remaining contract.

Kenny Williams is getting a lot of praise these days. Sure, he's engineered a pair of deals to bring in Jake Peavy and Alex Rios to the White Sox. And while he deserves that praise, it re-affirms something that Chicago sports fans know all too well.

Jerry Reinsdorf doesn't care about his basketball team.

Money was one of the big issues when it came down to letting Ben Gordon, the Bulls' leading scorer, sign with Detroit via free agency this offseason. However, I am not sure how Reinsdorf could spin this injustice.

There is no way I can justify not extending the contract the only guy who has proven to hit a big shot since M. Jeff skipped town in the same summer he added the $60 million paycheck of a guy currently hitting .264 with a .317 on-base percentage.

Even Jim Hendry thinks throwing a shade under $60 million at a fourth outfielder is laughable.

Taking a brief look at the 2010 free agent class and you'll notice guys like Matt Holliday, Jason Bay, Johnny Damon, Bobby Abreu and Vladimir Guerrero litter the outfield market. There's no way you can justify Rios at $12 million per year when legit All-Stars will be coming to the market place.

As for the Peavy acquisition, I still contend that was a good move. But in the end, a little bit of simple math unearths the buried lead in the recent praise the White Sox's GM has earned.

The White Sox have obtained more than $100 million worth of remaining contracts. Meanwhile, the Bulls refuse to dabble in the free agent market and hesitant to dip their toe in trade market.

Bulls fans, prepare yourselves for a winter of mediocrity followed by a summer that will feature more teases than amateur night.

Why Your Team Won't Beat The Bears In The Super Bowl: Cincinnati Bengals

Can't wait to read Ocho Cinco tweet about this grab!

My cousin is a huge Cincinnati Bengals fan and one of my biggest supporters. After he finds out about this blog, only one of those things might be true.

After going 4-11-1 last year, the Bengals have to do more re-tooling than Tim Allen ever had to do on Home Improvement. Their offense struggled without Carson Palmer. Their defense was suspect. And at times, their players were suspects.

Yeah, you can expect some jokes about criminals here. You can also expect not seeing the Cincinnati Bengals in the Super Bowl.

Why?

1. Cedric Benson. He swears he will make the Bears pay for all the wrong they've done him. But the Bears already paid, and by paid I mean they've given Benson lots of guaranteed money to score 10 touchdowns in 35 while playing for Chicago.

Benson's best moves can be found on a boat, not on the gridiron.

2. Marvin Lewis = Coaching Fraud. Remember he was going to bring a tough-minded defensive effort and discipline to a team that laughed in the face of authority just before being escorted into the back seat of a police cruiser? Yeah, I do too. The Bengals' defense hasn't shown many signs of improvement since Lewis took over the sinking ship.

The problem is, the ship is still sinking. The good news for Lewis is that he isn't the worst coach in town.

Enter stage right: Dusty Baker.

3. Week 7 vs. Chicago. The Bengals have a chance to prove what they're worth as they host Da Bears on October 25. If Lewis can field a full team without convicted felons this deep into the season, he deserves Coach of the Year honors.

4. Twitter. People might blame Chad Johnson Ochocinco, but the social networking micro blog dealie will be to blame for all of the Bengals' problems. Why didn't Chad catch that pass? He was checking his Twitter for updates from other games. Why doesn't Cedric Benson score touchdowns? Because he's afraid of the backlash he'd recieve via Twitter if he did an end zone dance. Where's (insert Bengal player in trouble with the law here)? Had you checked his Twitter page, you would have known he needed someone to post bail for him.

5. No one will care. Everyone knows Ohio's most popular professional football team is the Ohio State Buckeyes. (Friend whispers in my ear) Wait, you mean they're not supposed to pay players at The Ohio State. I thought they were a pro team. That's why they get paid handsomely. (More whispers) Oh, what Maurice Clarrett received was illegal.

Yeah, you didn't think I'd leave this blog without a jab at tOSU, did ya?

But if you happen to get stuck with a Cincinnati Bengal on your fantasy team it better be quarterback Carson Palmer. He'll be a bargain because people won't trust him coming back off injury. I will. When healthy, he averaged 28 touchdown passes a year in his last three healthy years. And there's plenty of time for Palmer to get healthy this season with games against Denver (Week 1), Green Bay (Week 2), Cleveland (Week 4, 12), Houston (Week 6), Detroit (Week 13) and Kansas City (Week 16).

Tomorrow's runner-up to the 2010 Super Bowl Champion Bears: Oakland Raiders

Eleven Things Destined To Occur Before I Would Become A St. Louis Cardinals Fan

Getting texts at 1 a.m. is usually a sign of good news (Wink, wink) but not when it comes in the form of someone changing their baseball alliances in the wee hours of the morning after an 11-5 loss.

The text [sic] read as follows: "im done. their done. go CARDS"

And despite a recent skid against Colorado, this Cubs fan is not done driving the big blue bandwagon. In fact, here are 11 things that would likely happen before I even considered going to "the dark side."

P.S. The closest you will ever get is me sporting that patriotic Cubs hat that happens to be red.

1. Dr. Dre drops 'Detox.' Dr. Dre's third and final album has been in the offing for about five years now. It's been on the rumor mill longer than Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton combined. Yet, still no album from Andre Young.

There is no doubt in my mind that Detox will be released well before I don a Cardinals jersey.

2. Jay-Z uses the autotune on BluePrint 3 album. In keeping with the music theme, after announcing autotune dead on arrival, the God Emcee takes a turn as the God Autotuner as a hidden track found only on albums sold in Russia will emerge.

The track will feature guest spots from Nas, Ice Cube and other artists you would never (and should never) expect to use the voice-altering device.

3. Miley Cyrus turns 18. She can dance on that provocatively placed stripper pole all she wants, I'm not touching that until Nov. 23, 2010 ever.

4. America elects a black president (again). Two-hundred and thirty-two years came and went before a black president was elected. If that happens again, an artist known as Infant Jeezy will likely pen a remix for "My President."

And still, I will not have become a fan of team whose logo is two birds on a bat.

5. Michael Jordan comes out of retirement (for the third time). His Airness will use his Hall of Fame speech as a platform to announce his third un-retirement. This time, Jordan will come back as a member of the Seattle SuperSonics.

What? No strike through? Read on.

6. Seattle gets a basketball team (again). Oklahoma City took what was rightfully theirs, but once again, the Seattle SuperSonics will ride again, thanks in part to The G.O.A.T. No longer will this generation wonder, "What the heck is Ice Cube talking about when he says the Lakers beat the SuperSonics?"

Jordan will revive them scoring 18 points per game, but will trade Kevin Durant, citing the fact that he is a ball-hog in an interview with the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. ...

7. The Post-Intelligencer (and Rocky Mountain News) ride again. I'm sick of newspapers dying, and since Jay Mariotti (rumored to be) returning to what he coined as a dying medium, the comebacks of the P-I and RMN spark a revival in the print news era.

8. Charlie Weis beats Mark Mangino on The Biggest Loser. The tubby Notre Dame coach would celebrate said victory by attempting to eat Baby Mangino. The attempt would fail as miserably and comedically as the Fighting Irish's upcoming attempt at a winning football season.

9. Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Jessica Simpson have a no-holds barred battle for my love. The event will take place in a pool of Jell-O in my back yard. And in true wrestling form, Eva Mendes, Scarlett Johansson, Gabrielle Union and other past dream girls will try to intervene in the fight for my love and affection. Proceeds from the event will go toward the "Make It Rain Foundation" which helps college-age young women put themselves through college.

10. Mike Vick faces off against Brett Favre in the Super Bowl. Vick leads the Miami Dolphins in the Wildcat formation while Favre leads the Green Bay Packers, only after Aaron Rodgers "mysteriously" disappears hours before kick-off.

11. Tony LaRussa hires me to be his designated driver. What? You thought I'd make it through a post with a TLR DUI joke? You must not know this blog too well.

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Blogosphere Edition

One of the best things about sports blogging is that anyone can do it. One of the knocks on sports blogging is that because anyone can do it, there are those who do it without insight or know-how and then come across as know-it-alls.

So what happens when someone from the inside blogs? Censorship, of course.

Colorado University senior cornerback Ben Burney dipped his toe into the blogosphere Thursday with an entry titled "The Sad Goodbye" which promised to present readers with an inside look at the life of a college football player. Apparently, part of the look was a lil' bit too inside for the powers that be.

Part of it had to do with a meal that destroyed toilets, preseason speeches and (set your phasers to "stunned") encounters with the "girl of the night."

Bruney's defense? He's just trying to keep it real.

"I was just trying to portray how it is. I wasn't trying to be risqué or anything like that. I was just trying to make it realistic. I guess it was too realistic."

Haven't the folks over at CU ever heard of the term road beef or come across sites like Deadspin or With Leather?

If this is breaking news to anyone that has been on a college campus, then I would run a brief background check to make sure that they did, in fact, attend college.

And taking Burney's lead of being real, allow me to be "real" with you, my respected readers. The "girl of the night" scenario on campus isn't limited to athletes. Surprise! Heck, a night that starts with a cheesy pick-up line, includes a smattering flirtatious battering of the eyelids, busting a few moves on the dance floor and a little bit of liquid courage could land you a special someone.

If only for one night.

It's almost disappointing to see Burney get censored, so here's my pitch.

Ben Burney, if you want to blog about what's going on in your life, I would like to extend to you an invitation to The Big Dead Sidebar. You want to blog about special lady friends, be my guest. Dinner food got you in the dumps? Have at it on this forum. Want to go the Vince Young route and enshrine yourself in football's Hall of Fame, come on down.

CU Buffs Nix Player Ben Burney's Blog After Risque Entry [Colorado Daily]
CU Buffs Let Player Blog About Reality Of College Football, Reconsider After Player Blogs About Reality Of College Football [Denver Westword]

Cubs Call Up Guy I've Never Heard Of With Wicked (Note: Fake) Stats

If the Cubs really were hiding a player with a 510-0 career record, 1.02 ERA and 125 saves, he probably wouldn't have allowed three runs (plus two inherited runners) on seven hits in 5.1 innings in his Major League debut. Maybe that explains the 489 hits in 132 innings pitched.

Well, at least he improved on that outrageous 3.73 WHIP.

via The Baseball Cube

TBDS Late Night Returns To Present: The Sky Is Falling Over Wrigleyville...

She'll make everything feel better, won't she? (via this site)

Call your friends. Call your neighbors. Call your parents. Call your sons and daughters, too. Heck, give them that child support check you've been meaning to give them for the last 18 years.

The Chicago Cubs are down 6-0 to the Colorado Rockies and are in danger of falling three (!) games behind the NL Central leading St. Louis Cardinals.

It's time to board up the house, stock up on canned goods and bottled water. Let's go hunker down in the basement until the coast is clear.

Cubs fans, allow me to be the voice of reason that is dying to escape your soul but instead gets intimidated by tales of goats, black cats and fans wearing headphones.

Of the next 20 games the Cubs will play, 13 will come against teams that are under .500. Want another lucky 13 you superstitious sonsofbitches? The Cubs will play 13 home games in that span, 10 of which will come against teams that are below the break-even point as of press time.

When September rolls around, 11 of the first 12 games the Cubs will play will be against the Astros, Mets, Pirates and Reds. Each of those teams ... you guessed it ... below the .500 mark.

In 2007, the Cubs were 8.5 games behind first place Milwaukee on June 23. They also had a season-long seven-game losing streak from May 27 to June 2.

Cubs fans, you act like you haven't seen your team with their backs against the wall. You also act like the 1927 Yankees are ahead of you. Contrary to popular belief, Albert Pujols is human. So is Matt Holliday. As is Adam Wainwright, Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright.

And it's not like Tony LaRussa hasn't ever made a mistake in his life. Ever.

Young scribe SalukiOrphan detailed five reasons why the Cardinals would win the NL Central. He made good points until:

The Cardinals have one of the most storied histories in Major League Baseball. They have 10 World Series Titles (would be 11 if not for Don Denkinger), most in National League history and second only to the New York Yankees, who have 26. The Cubs have a lot of history as well, unfortunately for them most of it goes against their favor. Chicago has been brought down with everything from goats to cats to guys named Bartman. The Cardinals also have 17 NL pennants and 10 division titles (seven NL Central, three NL East), while the cubs have 16 NL pennants (none since 1945) and five division titles (three NL Central, two NL East).

Not sure what the past has to do with the 2009 season. But if that is helping make decisions and projections around here, then by that logic, I like the Cubs' chances (19,870 wins in franchise history) more than I like the Cardinals' (19,464).

But it's not about that. See, that little nugget section is a little sample of hypocrisy.

See, the SalukiOrphan rails on the Cubs and their fans for using the team's past an excuse for its failures. Yet, conveniently, the Orphan uses it to show why the Cards will win the division. I guess I shouldn't expect anything more than lazy blogging from a Cardinals fan. That's the kind of lazy blogging that grinds my gears. Especially when it is coming from the same fan base that will lustily boo Manny "The Cheater" Ramirez, but then will give a slurping standing ovation to Rick Ankiel and Ryan Franklin.

My fellow Cubs fans, it's time to take a chill pill. Everything is gonna be OK. More tomorrow on Jay Mariotti, The List and another NFL Preview. Go to sleep now, kiddies. The sun will rise tomorrow.

Why Your Team Won't Beat The Bears In The Super Bowl: New York Jets

At least Jets fans know this quarterback won't be retiring after the season.

On Nov. 23, 2008, the New York Jets defeated the then-unbeaten Tennessee Titans 34-13 and were set to put the rest of their season into cruise control. Their quarterback was firing on all cylinders, their defense was at the top of its game and Eric Mangini was starting to look like the genius everyone made it out to be.

Then, the next five weeks happened. The Jets went 1-4 after toppling the Titans, with its only victory coming in a 31-27 squeaker against the Buffalo Bills. The passing offense fell apart. As did the defense. In Week 17, Brett Favre's arm basically came undone as it symbolized how quickly the Jets' season fell apart.

But hope springs eternal in the greater New York region as the Jets welcome a new coach, a new defense, a new quarterback and his very attractive lady friend.

However, it just won't be enough to be better than the Chicago Bears, this year's Super Bowl champion.

1. The Ryan Family Coaching Tree. I like Rex Ryan, a lot. From a media member's standpoint, he gives good quotes. From a fan's standpoint, he plays hard-hitting, aggressive defense. From a Southern Illinois University Carbondale alumnus' point of view, he makes me happy because his defense helped former Saluki Bart Scott become a very wealthy man. (P.S. Saluki Way needs your support, Mr. Scott).

Yet, after his father's mediocre run as a head coach, it makes me wonder whether or not young Rex can cut it in the NFL. 55-55-1 won't cut it anywhere, let alone New York City. For every Mike Smith, there's a Butch Davis.

2. Got "Stick 'Em" for your receivers? The Jets have had some pretty good receivers if recent memory serves me correct, for Laveranues Coles, Santana Moss and Jerricho Cotchery have each been pretty good pass catchers in their time. But only Cotchery remains and if you don't count Thomas Jones coming out of the backfield, I'm hard-pressed to be impressed with Chansi Stuckey, David Clowney, Wallace Wright and Huey Whittaker.

Unless one of the role players steps up in a big way (Dustin Keller?), Joe Namath could be slinging the pigskin and it wouldn't matter.

3. Favre is gone, there's no pressure to succeed. As Brett Favre goes, so goes the media circus. Now, who's going to follow the team with the drama queen now out of the picture. Chris Mortensen will no longer be at door steps. John Clayton will no longer be hiding inside trash dumpsters. Sean Salisbury will no longer be showing his junk to cheerleaders.

On second thought, maybe the circus leaving town is a blessing in disguise after all...

4. D'Brickashaw Ferguson. Dude's got the coolest name in all of football, but Jets fans should heed this warning. The last time the media slurped a team because of one player's cool name, Chief Kickingstallionsims and the Alabama State Hornets were one-and-done in the NCAA Tournament.

Just sayin'.

5. They play in the AFC East. Unless you've been living under a rock, or one of Rick Majerus' chins, the division the Jets play is stacked at the top like Jessica Simpson in a push-up bra. At 10-6, the Patriots didn't even make the playoffs last year. And the Bills will be better until T.O. turns on the team during the playoff stretch.

But if you happen to get stuck with a New York Jet on your fantasy team it better be running back Thomas Jones. Who? Mike Thomas Jones! Mr. Jones has rushed for at least 1,100 yards for each of the past four seasons. Last year, he picked up 13 rushing touchdowns, a career high.

Tomorrow's runner-up to the 2010 Super Bowl Champion Bears: Cincinnati Bengals