Power Rankings: Because When You Do Them No One Cares & When I Do Them, At Least I Care

Last week I unveiled my first ever power rankings. I've lived to see another week. Let's see who ranks where and why.

1. Gatorade. Lots of attention has gone to the way Ryan Dempster and Carlos Zambrano have treated the beverage dispenser in the Cubs clubhouse, but I give kudos to the Gatorade folks. First of all, that's great product placement. And all the replays on SportsCenter and on YouTube have put your product in front of millions of eyes. What else could you ask for?

2. Rejection. First, it was Jake Peavy. Now, Houston Astros ace Roy Oswalt is spurning the White Sox's advances. Maybe it's time to sign Kenny Williams up for an eHarmony.com account.

3. Social Networking. I've got a Facebook account and two Twitter accounts. Yeah, I'm a social networking nerd. The Calipari Family, well, they use it to put ESPN's Pat Forde in his place.

4. Call-ups. Finally, the Cubs brought up Triple-A's hottest hitter, and Jake Fox goes directly to the bench. And who the f*** is Matt Wieters? Apparently, he is (switch-hitting) Jesus. Adam Wainwright respectfully disagrees.

5. Geography. Personally, I'm weary of picking someone with the No. 1 pick who has never heard of Virginia. Go pick up a Clipse album, kid, you'll like what you hear. Besides, if he can't save San Diego State, he ain't saving the Washington Nationals. By the way, San Diego isn't a state. And the nationals don't play in Washington state.

6. Football scores in baseball games. Charlie Ward and the Florida State Seminoles ran all over Ohio State 37-6. Colt McCoy threw a TD and rushed for another as Texas squeaked past Army 14-10. Knowshown Moreno ran for three touchdowns in Georgia's 24-8 win in an earlier bout against tOSU. Jim Tressel's Sweatervewst was not made available for comment.

7. Walk-offs. And no, not of the baseball variety. Stay classy, LeBron. This is how it starts. One day you're walking off the court in Orlando without acknowledging anyone. The next day you're walking out of Cleveland on your way to New York City.

8. Erin Andrews. She wants to dance with stars. I want to dance with her. I also want page views. Here's hoping typing "Erin Andrews" over-and-over again helps.

9. Pitch counts. Yoavani Gallardo threw 126 pitches Monday in the Brewers' extra-inning win against the Cardinals. University of Texas reliver Austin Wood threw 13 innings out of the bullpen (169 pitches), including 12.1 hitless innings in the Longhorns' 3-2, 25-inning win. And even Dusty Baker thinks that is too much.

10. Mediocrity. The Cubs ended April at 11-11. Then finished up May 25-24. Fearless prediction: Cubs finish june two games over .500. Book it!