Mocking The NBA Draft, Vol. 3.0

2007 NBA Draft

From now on, no need to waste two posts when one post will do. How will this class rank among the best? Well, since the Bulls won't likely land another Derrick Rose, who cares?

Let's get to the hilarity, shall we?

1. Los Angeles Clippers - Blake Griffin, Oklahoma. The Clippers could draft five Blake Griffins and still be bad. Talent just happens to disappear once a player puts on that jersey

2. Memphis Grizzlies - Hasheem Thabeet, UConn. The story out of Memphis this week that Mike Conley, Jr., is, in fact, the point guard of the future. But riddle me this, who was the last "junior" to be a superstar? Ken Griffey, Jr.? I rest my case.

3. Oklahoma City Thunder - James Harden, Arizona State. The building blocks of a potent offense with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook are there. But by adding Harden, Nick Collison is your only line of frontcourt defense. Enjoy the lottery, Oklahoma City, you'll be here for a while.

4. Sacramento Kings - Ricky Rubio, Spain. Paul Westphal's run-gun-and-stun offense needs a leader, and a backcourt of Rubio and Kevin Martin could be more explosive than a meeting between Ron Artest and Milton Bradley.

5. Washington Wizards - Jordan Hill, Arizona. The Wizards remind me a lot of myself. Washington wants Griffin, Thabeet and Rubio like I want a date with Megan Fox, Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson. Guess what, none of that is happening for either of us. Sad, I know.

6. Minnesota Timberwolves - Jrue Holiday, UCLA. One of these days, the Timberwolves will get a productive point guard. Kevin McHale is hoping draft day is that day.

7. Golden State Warriors - Tyreke Evans, Memphis. Evans swears that he took his own SAT, yet he still has a problem locating Golden State on a map. Wonder if Coach Cal can help him out.

8. New York Knicks - Jonny Flynn, Syracuse. The most successful point guard to play at Madison Square Garden over the last four years has not been Chris Duhon or Nate Robinson, it has been Flynn.

9. Toronto Raptors - DeMar DeRozan, Southern California. . Still think he and Lil' Romeo are a packaged deal? If I were Romeo, I'd stick around campus and hang out with Song Girls.

10. Milwaukee Bucks - Eric Maynor, Virginia Commonwealth. (Insert witty reference about a smart, experienced point guard here.)

11. New Jersey Nets - DeJuan Blair, Pittsburgh. Someone's gotta catch the bricks Vince Carter chucks up there, right?

12. Charlotte Bobcats - Stephen Curry, Davidson. Curry and LeBron James are good friends. Think this might be the first ploy to try to lure King James to Charlotte.

13. Indiana Pacers - Ty Lawson, North Carolina. The Pacers are in desperate need of a chief ball-handler and distributor. But to be honest, the Pacers aren't going anywhere as long as Jim O'Brien is running the show.

14. Phoneix Suns - Brandon Jennings, USA via Europe. It will be a homecoming of sorts for the one-time University of Arizona prospect. But without Nash, Shaq or Amare, his talent will go largely unnoticed.

15. Detroit Pistons - B.J. Mullens, Ohio State. He's soft and he struggled against frickin' No. 9 seed Siena in the NCAA Tournament. Have fun with another failure in Motown, but they should be used to that by now.

16. Chicago Bulls - Wayne Ellington, North Carolina. Maybe if I keep begging the Bulls to draft the sweet-shooting former Tar Heel, they will.

17. Philadelphia 76ers - Jeff Teague, Wake Forest. Teague represents the next generation of point guards that can handle and score. But no matter how well he does or how poor he performs, he'll be booed more lustfully than Santa Claus on Christmas morning.

18. Minnesota Timberwolves - Chase Buddinger, Arizona. Kevin McHale happens to love white players that were productive in college. Buddinger will fit right in with Kevin Love.

19. Atlanta Hawks - Patrick Mills, Saint Mary's. If the Hawks pass on a point guard here, they will likely never draft a point guard. Ever.

20. Utah Jazz - Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina. There are only so many ways you can say "Scrappy. Tough. Hard working. White. Yep, sounds like a Jerry Sloan pick right here." Until I find another, I won't change this pick.

21. New Orleans Hornets - Gerald Henderson, Duke. The former Dookie would be a sure-fire lottery pick had he gone anywhere but Duke. Other than Elton Brand and Grant Hill, name that great Duke NBA star. Can you name a productive Blue Devil that dropped out of the top-10?

22. Dallas Mavericks - Darren Collison, UCLA. The Jason Kidd Era is over, and once the New Jersey Nets management laughs off Mark Cuban's inquisition of Devin Harris' availability, the Mavs will draft the former Bruin point guard.

23. Sacramento Kings - Austin Daye, Gonzaga. I didn't know Daye was in the NBA Draft until I was handed this note from Fanhouse. Upon seeing this, the Kings will think it is a good idea to draft this guy, who totally disappeared in the NCAA Tourney for the Zags.

24. Portland Trail Blazers - Toney Douglas, Florida State. Douglas isn't the pure point guard the Trail Blazers need, but former Portland great Damon Stoudemire says he's got the cure for that.

25. Oklahoma City Thunder - Earl Clark, Louisville. If somehow the Thunder can walk away with Harden and Clark, the No. 9 seed in the Western Conference won't be too far behind. Wait, you say only the top eight seeds make the playoffs???

26. Chicago Bulls - Taj Gibson, Southern California. My hope is the Bulls package this pick for something of worth. Like several graduated Song Girls in search of work.

27. Memphis Grizzlies - Omri Casspi, Israel. Scouting reports suggest he needs to work on his offense, defense and strength. Welcome to Memphis, kid.

28. Minnesota Timberwolves - Dionte Christmas, Temple. This will put the Timberpups in a position to host a "Christmas" party joke. AmIright?

29. Los Angeles Lakers - James Johnson, Wake Forest. With LaMar Odom and Trevor Ariza likely to find bigger contracts elsewhere, Johnson would provide length and athleticism at the small forward spot. And an alibi for Kobe when he goes out to Colorado.

30. Cleveland Cavaliers - Damion James, Texas. Because his comparison is Mickael Pietrus, known as the French Jordan, Cleveland execs can pawn this pick off as drafting the Texas edition. Texas is like a foreign country, right?